The Confidence Blog

A while back I had written how habits, some we are aware of, and some we aren’t, erode our self-confidence and self-esteem.

Predicting was #1 on the list.

What do I mean by predicting?  I am talking about when you are expecting a certain outcome. You already “think” you “know” what will happen in any situation. 

Have you heard yourself say any of the following?
 “I already know what will happen”
“Why should I try, it’s not going to work anyway”
“If I ask for a raise, my boss won’t give it to me”
“Why ask him/her out, they are going to turn me down anyway”
“If I say no, I know they won’t like me anymore”
“Things always go wrong for me.”
“I won’t win, I am unlucky”

And my favorite, (because in the past I used it all the time) is of course…..

Yesterday as I was talking to several people about their weekend, I often heard them use the phrase of course several times throughout their conversation.

Having been trained in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) I listen to people’s words.  This allows me a glimpse into someone’s self-confidence, and self-esteem.  When I hear someone say of course, and always, I’ve discovered they are predicting.  Of course they already know what will happen.  This prevents them from having any other reality or any changes because they are expecting it to happen this way.  Also, they are not being accountable, because it allows it to be someone else’s fault.

Here are some examples. . .

“Of course it would have to rain”
“Of course the economy is going to fail”
“Of course the tires needed air, and that cost me money”
“Of course she was going to say that”
“Of course ______ (you fill in the blank).

“He always says that”
“She always does that”
“This always happens”

For me,  of course and always were the sayings I found the hardest to change. But when I did, it allowed me to have a different experience from the one I would have normally expected.  I no longer expected what was going to happen, instead I experienced, what was happening.

When we look for and expect the of course, and always, then of course it will always happen!

According to the Law Of Attraction, you receive what you put your attention to.  If you are expecting something to happen, then it will. 

Want to change this?

First – listen to your words.  Words are so powerful.  Hear how many times you say of course, and always.  See what pictures; sounds or sensations come up when you say these words.

Second – when you hear yourself say, “of course this will happen”, change that sentence to “I wonder what will happen, this is what I want to happen.” 

By doing this you will change your energy and tell the universe what you desire. 

You’ll see as you let go of the predicting and expectations, and start receiving what you desire, you will start feeling better about yourself, which will increase your self-esteem.  When you feel better about yourself, you will begin to start taking risks, which will increase your self-confidence.

I encourage you to take the first step TODAY!

To Your Success,

Diana Vento CH

I would like to share an experience I had the other day.  A coworker and I were taking a walk. When we returned to the building, someone ask us how our walk was.  We answered at the same time.  I said wonderful, and she said terrible and started to explain why.  I don’t know what she said because I was so shocked by the word terrible.

During the day, I would think about it and become baffle.  Actually, I felt like I had cotton in my head, because I just couldn’t fathom why she said our walk was terrible.  For me it was great, the weather was beautiful, the sky a clear blue with white fluffy clouds.  The sun was warm, with a slight cool breeze, which kept me from getting overheated.  It felt great to be out of the office and in the sunshine and fresh air.  So for me, to hear that our walk was terrible I just didn’t understand it.

Later that night, as I was writing in my journal recalling the day’s events, all of a sudden I realized something important.  The old me, would have taken her comment personally.  I would have thought because she had a terrible time, it was about me; I was lousy company, or poor conversationalist. I would have owned it as my problem.  Now my self-esteem and self-confidence knows that it is not my issue, but hers.

So who was right, my walking companion or I?  Was the walk Terrible or Wonderful?

We are both right.

Now I understand how two people can experience the same event and have completely different experiences and both are correct! 

How?

We all live in our own reality.  Our reality consists of our own life experience, personality and thought patterns.

If you expect to see the worse of something or someone you are going to find it.   The same goes for looking for the best.  If you look for the best in something, or someone you will find it.

During our walk, my companion found fault in everything, and complained about her life situation, and the people she encounters.  She walked with an unhappy attitude.  Therefore, she saw the walk as terrible.

In my reality, I was grateful for the nice weather, I was grateful for the opportunity to be outside.  For me, because I did my walk with appreciation, I enjoyed it. Therefore, it felt Wonderful.

So how about you?

Leave a comment and let us know,” How are you currently walking through life?   And does it match with, “How do you want to walk through life?”  

In the past, I was unhappy, so I decided to improve my life.  I intuitively knew I had low confidence and self-esteem, and wanted to improve these.  I just didn’t know how.  I went online to Amazon.com and typed in confidence and self-esteem and thousands of books came up.  I didn’t know which books would work for me. I was confused and overwhelmed, and did what I always did when I got into this state.  I rationalized, complained, procrastinated, and talked myself out of my desire to change. Until…

I found the show, Starting Over.  It was about a group of women living in a house, learning how to make life changes, by two Life Coaches.  One of the women named Andy, was upset with an assignment her life coach, Rhonda Britten, had given her.  I don’t remember what she said, or the details; I just understood how Andy felt.  I identified with her.  I felt her pain, because it was my pain. I heard her frustration, because it was my frustration. I saw her anger, because it was my anger.  I felt her hopelessness. In my mind’s eye I envisioned the wall she had built around herself, because I had the same type of wall surrounding me.  I identified with her.  I saw the unhappy me portrayed in this daytime TV show. 

I was hooked. I wanted to learn how to change my life.  When Rhonda spoke to Andy, I felt she was talking to me.  There were other women in the house that I identified with, but not as strong as with Andy. 

Then Rhonda told her story.  She had seen her father shoot her mother and then shoot himself in front of her. Leaving her as a witness to her parent’s murder/suicide at 14!  Boy did my problems feel insignificant!

But they were my problems, therefore, real and significant. My problems were preventing me from having the life I wanted: A joyful and happy life. 

I decided to buy Rhonda’s book Change Your Life In 30 Days, and it did.  It allowed me to get in touch with the “real” me.    I then bought Fearless Living, Rhonda’s first book.  That book was powerful for me, because I got in touch with my fear.  Fear that ran my life, and prevented me from living a joyful life.  The insights, the lessons, and personal growth I received from reading those two books propelled me on my journey toward personal growth.  One of the biggest revelations I had, I discovered I had surrounded myself with people like me. Who were unhappy with life, and just existing day to day. 

Rhonda Britten was my first step to building my confidence, self-esteem, and living my life.  I have read books by several authors, attended workshops, learned exciting techniques, and have been coach.  Like a baby learning to walk, at first I was wobbly, taking tiny steps, but each day I practice the tools I had learned until one day I discover I could run!

I will share a valuable lesson I learned. You can learn all you want, but unless you integrate, by putting it into practice, it’s just another learning that will be put back on the shelf.

Another person who has been very influential in my personal growth is Jack Canfield.  When I first heard Jack talk about his childhood, I understood his childhood, because it was very similar to mine.

Here is another lesson I will share with you. when you get these recognitions, ACT.  I’ve discovered that it’s the Universe, God, or whatever higher power you believe in, telling you to pay attention, it’s time to change.  To go for what you have been asking for.

I had been asking for a happier life.  I was tired of feeling unhappy, stressed, lonely and just plain miserable.  I complained and whined about it, but didn’t make much effort to do anything about it.  Oh, I had excuses.  I had no time. I didn’t know what to do.  No one cared about me.   I could go on and on.  Now looking back, I see the universe was presenting me opportunities and not problems.   I was just to steep in my misery to see.  Until, one day I paid attention.  And decided to START OVER.  I am so grateful for that show, and how it helped me, help myself.

I had decided to work on my self-confidence first, then my self-esteem.  To my surprise, as my confidence grew, so did my self-esteem! 

Now thanks to Rhonda Britten, Jack Canfield, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Choppa, Kevin Hogan and others.  I have a bag filled with wonderful tools that I can use when I find myself, falling back into bad habits.  I would like to share these tools with you.

That is why I’ve created the Confidence Study Group.

This won’t be like a typical study group, where everyone gets together to discuss a book.  This club will provide proven tips, tools and tactics to build confidence and self-esteem.

Are You Willing To Follow A Study Group To Build Confidence?

If you want to learn more, go to www.theconfidencestudygroup.com

Together we will grow, and support each other through our confidence-building journey.

Here is a question I received asking me how they would know if their self-confidence was improving.

Do you have a clear vision on what it feels, sound and looks like to be self-confident?  What is your definition for self-confidence?

Here is a little exercise. Take of a piece of paper and make 2 columns.  Label one column: Confidence Qualities.  In this column you will list all the qualities you think a self-confident person would possess. Label the other column: My Confidence Qualities. In this column you will rate all your self-confidence qualities. 

Now close your eyes and slowly take a deep breath, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.  Do this 3 times. As you take in a breath, imagine a stream of white light coming from above and entering through the top of you head, washing through your body.  As the stream of light enters you, and you connect to the light, open your heart, and ask for divine guidance. When you are ready open your eyes, and without thinking write, in the column labeled: Confidence Qualities, all the qualities that make a person confident.  What a confident person looks, sounds and feels like.  How would they walk? What would they say? How do they feel?  What makes you think this person has confidence? There is no right or wrong.  Write everything in the column.

Now repeat the breathing exercise.   When you open you eyes, go down each item you wrote for the confident person, and rate each quality using a scale from 1 to 10 (1 meaning you don’t possess the quality, to 10 meaning you have mastered the quality). Place your number in the column labeled: My Confidence Qualities.  Also write any additional qualities that you possess, but didn’t list in the first column.

Now look at your ratings, and any rating with an eight or higher cross off the list.  Ratings with 7 or lower will indicate where you want to make improvements.  By doing this exercise you will now have a clear picture of what you already possess, and what to improve on. You’ll find God, the universe or whatever higher power you believe in, if you don’t believe, then your higher self, will start providing it.  You’ll become tuned in.  And the tools will start presenting themselves to you.

I would be interested on what you discover after completing the exercise.  Feel free to submit a comment and let me know how you did.

To Your Success
Diana Vento
Make Life Changes

A great way to boost your confidence and self-esteem is to keep a journal.

A journal is a wonderful tool to remind you how good you really are. What you have to be thankful for and pleased about in your life right now.

You can record your thoughts using a notebook, your computer, or record it.  Just so it’s in a place you can easily refer to.

The goal is to write in your journal daily. For now, start by taking 10 minutes, once a week for the next month and write what you are grateful for and acknowledge any small successes.

Remember, making excuses only hurts you, so make a commitment to start today.

Can’t think of what to write?  You can begin by answering the following questions below. Sit down and write your thoughts to:

1. What do I have to be grateful for in my life right now?
2. What am I happy or excited about in my life right now?
3. Why am I happy about these things?
4. What did I accomplish last week?
5. Who do I love and appreciate in my life?
6. Who do I like spending time with?
7. Who loves and appreciates me for who I am?

Answer these questions at the start of each week and it will set you up for success. And it will remind you of what you have that is good, in your life right now.