The Confidence Blog

Last week I felt I was getting depressed.  Nothing was wrong in my life, and nothing was right either.  I didn’t know what was wrong.  I just knew how I felt. 

I could feel my energy go down, when I got home from work, all I wanted to do was sleep.  I didn’t have any energy.  I was totally bored.  I could feel my confidence seeping away, things I normally wouldn’t think about doing, I now hesitated.  If I allowed myself, I could spiral down into a depression.

During the week, I used the weapons in my arsenal (I call them weapons, because sometimes keeping my self-esteem and confidence up can feel like a battle).  I did the Sedona Method, and EFT.  Though, they worked for the moment, my sad feeling would return.

On Saturday, as I was having my morning coffee, I took out my journal.  I realized it had been over a week since I had written.  So I decided to write about how I was feeling.  As I was writing, I could justify every feeling I had, AND if I allowed, I could go deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole of hurt, anger and depression. 

Then, it hit me!  It’s a choice.  I had a choice.  I could stay with these non-happy feelings, or I could choose to be happy.  After all, it is all a state of mind.  So this is what I wrote. Do I want to be happy? Yes!  What can I do? I can take my mind off of my problems and focus on something else.  Like what? I listed the things I could do that would keep my mind occupied and start feeling good about me.  So, I went shopping for some cloths that I needed.  I started my fall cleaning.  I worked outside.  I took my dog for a long walk, and enjoyed the beautiful weather.  By Sunday late afternoon, I felt better.  I had a renewed determination, and sense of focus…  Little things made me laugh.  I was happy!

Monday morning, as I was driving to work, I gave my appreciation for all that I have.  And for the teachers that have come into my life and taught me how to live my life my way. 

You too, can have happiness, self-confidence and self-esteem.  Just change your mind, and decide to have them. 

It’s your choice, what do you choose?

To Your Success!

Diana

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I was sitting in my kitchen thinking about the client I had recently helped. They were able to remember a childhood trauma that was interfering with their ability to lose weight.  They not only released the trauma from their subconscious, but I helped them release it from their body.  This trauma had manifested in their stomach, like an ulcer.

As I was reminiscing, I started to shift through my childhood, and these Cliché’s popped into my mind.  It takes one to know one, and Sticks and stones might hurt my bones but words will never hurt me.  At the time, I use to say these when someone would call me a name. It is not until now, that I understand the meaning behind these words.

Have you ever had someone judge or put a label on you?  It usually starts with you are . . . stupid, lazy, selfish, mean, unkind, arrogant, conceited, a slob, and fat.  The list can go on.  As a child, I usually heard I was lazy, selfish and a fat pig. How about you?  Stop and take a moment and write down what people said to you that hurt.

When I was a child, and other children would call me names, I learned how to say. . . It takes one to know one, or Sticks and stones might hurt my bones but words will never hurt me.” At the time, I did not really know what it meant; it just felt good to shout it back.  However, when I heard name calling from a parent, teacher or any authority figure, it was crushing and I believe that something was wrong with me.  I wasn’t allowed to yell back It takes one to know one, or Sticks and stones might hurt my bones but words will never hurt me.

As an adult, I now realized not only was it crushing; I accepted it as a truth.  For years, I was afraid to ask for what I wanted for fear of being considered selfish.  I have always thought I was a fat pig, even when I was healthy and at the correct weight.  I would feel I was being judged as lazy if everything in my life was not neat and orderly.

How did I handle it?  I would shut down, beat myself up, or lashed out.  I frequently would “cut off my nose to spite my face.”

How did I overcome this?

First – I became aware of what triggered me.  I started to pay attention to my reactions when I felt someone was judging me.

Second – I used hypnosis to get to the “core” of my issue, and release it.

Third – I realized that the only way someone could hurt me with words, is if I let them.  If I let them, it meant deep down I believed it was true.

As I worked on my issues, and beliefs, I became like Teflon, anytime anyone said something to hurt me, it never stuck.  If it did, then I knew it was my cue to see what belief I still held.

As I started to release my childhood traumas, my self-confidence and self-esteem started to build.  When my self-esteem started to increase, I felt good about me.  I had worth.  As my confidence grew, I was able to ask for what I wanted, without feeling selfish.

Like me, you too can overcome the judgments from others.  If someone calls you names, remember words will never hurt you… only if you let them.  If they do, ask yourself, what is the belief around the hurt?

To Your Success!

Diana

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First, let’s start building your self-esteem.  I believe, when you build your self-esteem your self-confidence builds automatically.  When you feel good about yourself, you take risk, and when you take risk, you increase your confidence. 

How do you do that?

I know for me, in the past, when I would look in the mirror I would list all the things I didn’t like about myself.  It would start with my hair, my mouth, my chin, and I would go down to my toes.  That would start a chain reaction and then I would think about the stupid thing I said, or get angry for saying yes, when I wanted to say no.  It would usually leave me feeling unhappy. 

Now that I look back, I see how I set myself up for disappointment and failure, every day.  I am happy I have learned how to change my way of thinking.

Start with, accepting who you are, accepting how you look, accepting where you are at this moment.  Accept it.  It is what it is.

Does that mean you are stuck feeling, looking or acting this way forever?  No.  Change takes time.  Change takes commitment.  Change happens when you WANT it, not because you think, you SHOULD want it.

Answer the following questions:

Question number one:  Do you want to like what you see in the mirror?  On the other hand, do you think you Should like what you see in the mirror?

Question number two:  If I had a magic wand, and you could change instantly, what would you like to see in the mirror?  How would you feel?

Question number three:  Are you willing to make a commitment to yourself?

Question number four:  Are you willing to be consistent and patient, while the changes unfold?

If you haven’t answered yes to all the questions, then ask, “what is my fear?”  Fear keeps us safe.  Change makes us take Risk. 

If you have answered yes, that’s GREAT!  Keep these answers handy and read them whenever you need a reminder on what you want, and how you want to feel.

Here is an exercise you can do.

Every time you look into the mirror, throw yourself a kiss and say, “I appreciate and love you” and then find one thing about your body that you like.  It could be anything.  When I did this exercise, I started with my nose.  It was the least offensive feature I thought I had.  To remind myself, and to be consistent, I taped a note on my mirror and wrote, “Diane, have you loved yourself today?”

At first, I use to laugh, and I couldn’t really look into my eyes.  On good days, I would joke around.  On bad days, I would grumble.  Nevertheless, I did it every day.  I was consistent because I wanted to be happy.

 Then something changed, I started doing it more often, instead of once a day.  I started to look at me not to find something wrong, but to find something nice.  I had nice feet.  I had nice nails and then it would be, I love to laugh, I love a challenge, I love . . . the list continued to grow.

One day, I was washing my face and looked into my eyes, and saw how pretty they were.  I have to admit, I was taken a little aback, until I realized, my eyes were no longer sad, but happy.  I saw the change, and I felt the change.

That gave me momentum.

Answer the questions, and do this exercise.  Soon you will hear yourself say. “I am confident and I truly like what I see in the mirror!”
Remember, LOVE you, you are WORTH it.

Love ya,

Diana

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I am a big fan of the Abraham teachings provided by Esther and Jerry Hicks.  I started reading the book Money and the Law of Attraction.  I’ve already listened to the audio version several times, and I decided to read the book also.  I was reading the Preface, written by Jerry Hicks, and a light bulb went off in my head.  It finally clicked for me.  I am creating my world, my reality.  Whatever happens to me, or wherever I am in life, is because of my desire and the choices I’ve made.  When Jerry was explaining about his desires and how they manifested for him, I finally understood.

I went back through my life and remembered the times when I truly wanted something. Not wanting it out of  desperation, but because I truly desired it.  Whether it was a better job, or a new relationship, or something material, when I desired it without knowing how it was going to come, I received it, and most of the time it came out of left field, which surprised me.  When I look back, I see I got what I had asked for.

Now I am at a time in my life when I am learning how to create deliberately, and I have to laugh because I am still amazed when I get what I want.  And it still comes out of left field.

For Example:  I’ve always wanted a cat with brown eyes.  I know someone who has exotic cats with brown eyes, and I’ve always admired them.  Just recently someone abandon a kitten in my front yard and she is a pretty 7 week old Calico cat.  I was looking at her the other day and realized she has brown eyes!  They look like chocolate milk.  I was stunned, and then immediately said my appreciation for this wonderful gift. I now have a cat with brown eyes!

The last 6 years I have been on a journey to find joy and to become a happier person.  I’ve accomplished releasing the fear and worry from my life.  I’ve learned how to take risk, and jump out of my comfort zone.  I’ve learned how to love myself.  The by-product has been increase self-esteem and self-confidence.

The idea of getting what I want was exciting to me, but first I had to release some ‘baggage” or “limited beliefs” I had collected from my past.  The belief I was being “selfish” when I wanted to put me first.  The belief that I can’t have what I want.  As I cleared a limited belief away another on would pop up.  It reminded me of a PEZ dispenser, each time I took a limited belief out, another one would pop up, ready to be worked on.  I use to think it was hopeless, I would never be finished. Then my life started changing.  I started looking forward to the next limited belief, because it clarified what I wanted, and brought me closer to the joy I was seeking.

I use to ask myself, if I create my reality, how come I don’t have what I want?  Then I realized I do have what I want.  What I have is what I’ve asked for and ALLOWED to happen.  If I don’t have everything that I want, then it’s because I have a belief it can’t happen, or I don’t have a clear vision of it, or I don’t believe I am worthy, or whatever.  It isn’t here because I have not ALLOWED it to MANIFEST.

As I mentioned before, I have been on my journey to find joy and to be a happy person.  And I have accomplished that goal.  I AM HAPPY.  Each morning I wake up filled with joy and anticipation of creating what I want.  Life still throws me some curves, but with the tools I have collected, Hypnosis, The Sedona Method, EFT and my belief that I have the POWER to change things. I get through.  It’s like my happiness and joy are my life saver.  Once in a while a tidal wave will wash over me, but my life preserver of joy keeps me afloat until the danger passes.  My tools help me paddle safely to shore.

YOU can have what you want.  All you have to do is decide what you do want.  Be clear and FOCUS on what you desire. Do not focus on what you don’t have, instead keep focusing on what you WANT!

Start Manifesting TODAY!

I Love you ALL!

Diana

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Last week I had a meeting with strangers and I showed up as myself.  Showing up as me means, I was confident and gave my opinions, theories and insight calmly, and confidently.  I surprised myself, because in the past, when I was with strangers and would start to talk, my heart would start to beat fast, my hands would start to sweat, and I would forget what I wanted to say, or fumble on my words.  I’ve improved over the years, and my symptoms have lessens, however, the fast beating of my heart, the dry mouth and the scared feeling never really left until this meeting.  This time, I experienced calm and confidence. I showed up to that meeting happy and confident, because I was confident.  I received a pleasant insight about me.  I saw, heard and felt my intelligence.  All my years of experience came together.  I felt like an actor or athlete when all your training comes together with ease and grace. I felt alive!

What I realized, I had let go of my fears.  My fear of being wrong, my wanting approval, and validation. My fear of not being able to offer something of value.  I let go of the fear of being judged.  Of “losing my job” because I couldn’t perform.  I let go of my fear of being less then.  I let go of my fear of being wrong.  What I did was show up as me, with my personality, my experience and my perception of the situation.  I didn’t get hurt if they said my idea wasn’t what they were looking for.  I didn’t get crushed if I didn’t hear “job well done Diane”.  I didn’t get discouraged if they didn’t ask for more feedback.  I wasn’t afraid to disagree with their observations.  I truly came into the meeting as me, confident, and I walked away feeling better about myself.

I am hear to tell you, YOU too can have the same experience.  I see it as the Wizard of Oz.  The journey to self-confidence and self-esteem is like the yellow brick road.  The house falling on the wicked witch symbolized eliminating your past influences, and starting on your new journey.  The yellow brick road is that journey, promise of you dreams fulfillment.  Along the way, you pick up the scarecrow and you become aware of the thoughts going through you head.  Then you pick up the Tin Man, and you start forgiving and loving yourself.  Then you pick up the Lion, and your courage, and determination increase.  All the while on your journey, the Wicked Witch of the East, or your destructive, fearful, self is trying to stop you from succeeding.  With these three companions – insight, love and courage you make it to the Emerald City.  The Emerald city leads you home to your true self.

Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road.  Your off to become your confident self, in the Wonderful World of YOU.

To Your Success!

Diana

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As I was driving to work I realized that I had allowed my friend to put a fear into me that I normally didn’t have.  Her fear eroded my self confidence in driving on a particular road.

Let me explain.

Every day I drive the same road, it is called a bypass, and it ends at a curve.  A couple of weeks ago I was driving with my friend. We were laughing having a good time, until we approach this curve.  All of a sudden she screamed and said WATCH OUT.  Immediately my heart started to race, and my instincts kicked in.  I grabbed the wheel tighter, checked my mirrors and looked around for impending danger. All while in the middle of taking the curve.

When I ask her why she screamed, she said she thought there was ice on the road, and thought we were going to slide.  Mind you, it was a clear day, and the road was dry.  I assured her the road was fine.  I had experience and confidence with this part of the road, because in the last 8 months I have driven the road 5 days a week in all sorts of weather.

I thought the incident was over, but today I realized it wasn’t.  What happen… the very next time I reached the same spot; I heard her scream and felt myself lose my confidence. I was afraid I was going to go into a skid.  Then as the memory started to pass away, day by day, I wasn’t aware I was losing my confidence on that stretch of road.  Even though I wasn’t conscious of it, my body and behavior told another story.  I would slow down, I was unsure, my body would tense slightly, and I would hold my breath.  Then I started to rationalize.  Well her screaming WATCH OUT was a warning for me not to drive to fast, or I needed to learn how to slow down, or, maybe, I needed to take a safer route.

Last week, as I was driving, I started to think about the curve and I was 5 miles away!  Then it hit me, her actions had undermined my confidence.  I allowed her action to undermine my confidence.  I didn’t do it consciously, but unconsciously.

 As I was driving I could see it clearly.  What happened to me is what I call a typical impact moment.  A moment that impacts you forever, fear goes pass your conscious mind directly into your unconscious mind.  This is how a limited belief, fear or a phobia is created.  I was in an emotional happy place, and BAM – fear was directed at me.  That fear went directly into my subconscious mind.  Visually I can see it in my minds eye, you know those yellow signs, caution when wet?  Well, that is what I see, so anytime I was near the curve or any other curve like it, CAUTION and DOUBT came up. My subconscious mind was at work keeping me safe.

What happens is when fear by-passes the conscious mind, and goes directly into the subconscious mind, the subconscious minds holds on to it, so when a similar danger occurs, we take natural precaution. Meaning we react instead of act.

I am very appreciative of having this insight and awareness, because now I can reprogram my subconscious mind.

Here is the process I used to eliminate my fear.

Awareness
Decide
Action

Awareness: I became aware because I listen to my body and thoughts.

Decide:  Once I was aware of my problem, I made the decision to change it.  I no longer wanted the fear to rule my life.

Action:  I took action by picking the tool that would serve me the best.  I could use EFT to tap it away. I could use the Sedona Method and release it away. Or I could use Hypnosis and eliminate the fear and replace it with confidence.

That is what I did. 

I no longer think or worry about reaching the curve.  Sometimes when I remember, I just give a little laugh and think how foolish I was.

Find the tool, or combination of tools that will help you release your limiting beliefs, fears or phobias.  

Your subconscious will thank you.

To Your Success!

Diana

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Here is a confidence question I recently received.

Where do I even begin when I’ve lived a life of 36 years with virtually zero self-confidence? I know I need to learn to be my own best friend and give myself what I can’t get from others, but how do I do that?

Where do you begin? You have already begun, because the first step is knowing you want to make a change.  You are already aware that putting yourself first is best and that your happiness comes from within you, and not from others.  Congratulation on this awareness. 

Have you ever ask yourself “What does self-confidence mean to me?”

If someone were to ask you “Do you know how self confidence and self esteem look, feel and sound to you?” What would you answer? 

I’ve discovered people say they want more confidence and more self-esteem. When asked to describe it, they can’t, because they do not have a clear picture of what it feels, looks and sounds like.

Also, if you ask a group of people, you will probably find that everyone has a different idea what self-confidence means to them.  The reason is because we all see our world through our own life experiences.  These experiences, coupled with personal need create unique filters in which we view people, events and the world.

A few years back, I remember my sister and me reminiscing about our childhood. We started to talk about this particular incident that happened.  As we discussed the incident, I noticed not only did she have a completely different experience than I did, she also remember the incident differently from me.  I was astonished!  She believed what she experienced was true, and so did I.  It was the beginning for me to understand how we could both be right.  I was realizing even though we grew up in the same house, and had pretty much the same experiences, we were different people, with our own set of values, personalities and beliefs. 

This is why I think it is important to be clear on what self-confidence and self-esteem mean to you.

In order to find out, write on a piece of paper all the qualities ‘you think’ you need to be self-confident. (Remember to be specific).

Next look at your list.   All the qualities you already possess, highlight, check off, or put a happy face, next to it.

The qualities on your list you didn’t check off will be what you will work on.  Now prioritize them and work on them one at a time. 

My experience is when you try to change everything at once; you get overwhelmed and give up, and therefore, set yourself up for failure.  Look at your list and prioritize the qualities anyway you want.  Such as easiest to do, or strongest desire to change.

Now pick one quality on your list and start practicing. For example: Let’s say one of the qualities you would like to have is asking for what you want.  When the first opportunity for you to ask for what you want comes up, you take it.  It might be scary, but you do it.  Then another opportunity comes along, and another, and another, and another, and with each opportunity you ask for what you want.  You will find that it gets easier and easier until one day it will become natural for you to ask for what you want.  When you have mastered this quality, go onto the next.

This exercise will help you increase your confidence levels.

To Your Success!

Diana

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Would you believe failing can be a good thing?

Failing can allow us to learn from our mistakes.
Failing can allow us to determine what we really want.

In my opinion, it is considered failing when whatever happens keeps you stuck.  You start beating yourself up, and don’t take the risk to try again.  If you tend to do that, then yes I can see why you would think you have failed.

The successful confident person is the one who ask questions and tries again and again until they succeed. 

The other day I was speaking with a friend and I was telling her what I had just discovered one of my limited beliefs.  I was reading Napoleon Hill and he was speaking about Andrew Carnegie on how he went from nothing to having more than 100 million dollars.  And the thought and feeling came over me that he is the exception, not the norm.  Now with all my training and my own life experience I know that statement was based in fear, not logic, because I know we can have and do anything we want to, because we create our own reality.  So I did some EFT on the new information that came up, and released the feeling and thought that only Andrew Carnegie could do this, because he was a rare breed ,and I wasn’t in his league.  It made me realized how fear could make me feel like a failure. 

I remember when I was working on my self-confidence issues I use to think I was a failure, and how I was afraid of failing.  For me it was because they would be right.   “They” were my elders and my family.  My family culture was to find a job, and stay in it until you died, and it didn’t matter if you hated it.  Security was the top thing.  You had to be secure.  YOU DON’T TAKE ANY RISK! Then I came along, someone who always wanted to do things differently.  Against my family wishes, I would try something different, and sometimes it wouldn’t work out, and I would have to deal with, I told you so. 

What happened?  I started to be conditioned to not take a risk until I was sure I was going to succeed.  And I ended up doing exactly what I didn’t want to do.  Getting into jobs I hated.  Afraid to leave the security, the steady, and I might add, low paying salary. 

Starting my self-confidence journey has been the biggest risk I have ever taken.  I had to learn how to change old patterns and old ways of thinking.  Yes, I have make mistakes, and at times have fallen back into old patterns, but I’ve learned to learn from those mistakes, and now see the opportunities they present.   I no longer see them as failures.

When you ask yourself what if I fail? Instead ask, where is the opportunity? What can I do next to succeed?  What have I learned? What can I do differently? Once you have answered your questions, reevaluated, and ask do I still want this? Asking this question will help you clarify on what you really do want.

As you can see, failing can be a good thing.  Me personally, I don’t like the word failing, I prefer to say, “Well, that didn’t work, what can I do to make it work?”

Remember, the only person who can make you feel, think and sound like a failure is you.  The next time you ask yourself the question “What if I fail?”  Immediately ask, “How can I succeed?”
 
To Your Success!

Diana

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This weekend I was watching a movie and a little girl was saying how she would feel pretty if she had a new dress.  The adult in the movie was telling her it’s how you feel in the inside that counts.  She said that was self-confidence.  For me, I thought it would be self-esteem. So I got to thinking, what is the difference between self confidence and self-esteem?

According to the dictionary:

Self -Confidence: belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-reliance; assurance

Self –Esteem: reflects a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of her or his own worth. Self respect.

My definition:

Self Confidence is about your ability.  Do you think you can do a good job? Do you think you can accomplish something you put your mind to?

Self Esteem is about the self.  How do you feel about you?  Do you like you?  Do you love you?  Do you have self worth?

Low Self Confidence is about fear of performing and low self-esteem is about not loving you.

Example:  Let’s say you have to give a presentation to a large group of people, and you are extremely nervous, because you are afraid of making a mistake. This would mean you lack confidence, because you question your ability.  On the other hand, you are afraid, because you are afraid of how people will judge you.  This would mean you lack self-esteem, because you are questioning your own self worth.

I have found that self-confidence and self-esteem go hand in hand. As you start to love and trust yourself your self esteem improves, and as your self esteem improves, you start to take risks, because you feel good about you.  When you take risks, your self confidence improves, because now you are doing things you’ve wouldn’t have done before.

The same thing happens when you start increasing yours self confidence.  As your self confidence builds, your self esteem improves, because you start counting your success, which make you feel good about you.

I no longer worry about self confidence or self esteem.  I just focus on being the best me, and showing up as my authentic self.  When I do I have both self confidence and self esteem.

How about you?  Are you ready to live as your authentic self?  The first step is commitment.

Are you ready to commit?

To Your Success,

Diana

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Imagine an actor at rehearsal.  In the scene, he is standing in the middle of the stage practicing his monologue.  A fellow actor comes up to him and gives him advice on the best way to do his monologue if he wants to do a good job.  After the person walks away another fellow actor approached him, and tells the actor that their way is the best.  Mind you, each suggestion given to the actor is completely different from the other.  Though, the suggestions are not bad, it’s not the way the actor would do the scene.  In fact, the actor is very good. He believes in the play and understands the character’s motivation.  He just lacks confidence and self-esteem.  Because of this lack, he starts questioning himself when given the acting critiques.  Therefore, he puts aside his beliefs, style and interpretation and tries to incorporate both suggestions into his performance.

Opening night comes and it’s time for the actor’s monologue.  While he is performing, he is trying to incorporate the advice given him.   Everything they said is swirling around in his head, making him second-guess himself.  He allows his doubt to block his true talent, and it manifest in his performance.  He doesn’t reach the audience. He flops.  He now sees himself as a failure.  When he has to act again, he questions his ability, and he starts becoming afraid to act until he stops completely.

Now image the same scenario.  When the two people give him their advice on how to act, he still listens, only this time he accepts the suggestions he thinks will enhance his performance. He has the confidence in his ability and talent.  When he is on the stage for his monologue, his passion for acting, the play and the character he is playing comes out and touches the audience.  They feel it and respond with thunderous applause.

Which scenario matches the events in your life?

In the first scenario, the actor allows others to undermine his belief in his ability.  He accepted their truth over his truth. He also accepted what happen as a failure, instead of seeing it as a learning experience.  He could have let this teach him to trust his talent, passion and innate abilities. And see the “failure” as a way to improve and grow.

Do you find yourself doing this?  When something goes wrong, when you “fail” do you beat yourself up, or you blame someone else?  Or do you view it as a learning experience, and ask “How can I do this different next time, so I can succeed?”

The reason we make mistakes is so we can learn and improve.

In the second scenario the actor listen to the others, but when he went on stage he did what felt right for him.  He heard the words that were true for him.  He saw himself as the character and his joy for acting radiated from him.  That joyful energy reached the audience.  If he “failed” he would have looked at the error as an opportunity to grow, and improve. Instead of being afraid to act again, he would be looking forward to act so he can put into practice his new learning. 

When something doesn’t work out like you have planned, do you start to beat yourself up?  Do you hear yourself say

I’ve failed
I am no good
I can’t do anything right.

Then

STOP

And instead ask,” What did work, and what can I improve?”

Give yourself credit for what went right – focus on the success.  If you can’t do that, then start with giving yourself kudos for trying.  But count your success and change what you don’t like.

Remember – the only person who can give you confidence is YOU.

To your success,

Diana

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