The Confidence Blog

A while back I had written how habits, some we are aware of, and some we aren’t, erode our self-confidence and self-esteem.

Predicting was #1 on the list.

What do I mean by predicting?  I am talking about when you are expecting a certain outcome. You already “think” you “know” what will happen in any situation. 

Have you heard yourself say any of the following?
 “I already know what will happen”
“Why should I try, it’s not going to work anyway”
“If I ask for a raise, my boss won’t give it to me”
“Why ask him/her out, they are going to turn me down anyway”
“If I say no, I know they won’t like me anymore”
“Things always go wrong for me.”
“I won’t win, I am unlucky”

And my favorite, (because in the past I used it all the time) is of course…..

Yesterday as I was talking to several people about their weekend, I often heard them use the phrase of course several times throughout their conversation.

Having been trained in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) I listen to people’s words.  This allows me a glimpse into someone’s self-confidence, and self-esteem.  When I hear someone say of course, and always, I’ve discovered they are predicting.  Of course they already know what will happen.  This prevents them from having any other reality or any changes because they are expecting it to happen this way.  Also, they are not being accountable, because it allows it to be someone else’s fault.

Here are some examples. . .

“Of course it would have to rain”
“Of course the economy is going to fail”
“Of course the tires needed air, and that cost me money”
“Of course she was going to say that”
“Of course ______ (you fill in the blank).

“He always says that”
“She always does that”
“This always happens”

For me,  of course and always were the sayings I found the hardest to change. But when I did, it allowed me to have a different experience from the one I would have normally expected.  I no longer expected what was going to happen, instead I experienced, what was happening.

When we look for and expect the of course, and always, then of course it will always happen!

According to the Law Of Attraction, you receive what you put your attention to.  If you are expecting something to happen, then it will. 

Want to change this?

First – listen to your words.  Words are so powerful.  Hear how many times you say of course, and always.  See what pictures; sounds or sensations come up when you say these words.

Second – when you hear yourself say, “of course this will happen”, change that sentence to “I wonder what will happen, this is what I want to happen.” 

By doing this you will change your energy and tell the universe what you desire. 

You’ll see as you let go of the predicting and expectations, and start receiving what you desire, you will start feeling better about yourself, which will increase your self-esteem.  When you feel better about yourself, you will begin to start taking risks, which will increase your self-confidence.

I encourage you to take the first step TODAY!

To Your Success,

Diana Vento CH

Confidence and Self-Esteem is all about awareness.  Being aware of the conversations in your head, how you react in a situation, your habits and beliefs.  Here is a list of some habits and beliefs that could erode your Confidence and Self-Esteem.  How many do   you practice?

Do you awfulize?
Do you predict?
Do you look for outside validation?
Do you blame?
Do you give up?
Do you procrastinate?
Do you lack discipline?
Do you complain?
Do you say YES when you want to say NO?
Do you ask for what you want?
Do you fear not being heard, or understood?
Do you make excuses?
Do you say No when help is offered?
Do you not accept a compliment?
Do you feel like a failure?
Do you feel unlovable?
Do you feel you don’t deserve success?
Do you feel like a victim?

I heard someone once say, “we are a product of what people expect us to be” I know that was true for me.  I was taught to accept my parents, teachers, or any authority figure as the authority on what was best for me.  I was expected to feel, act and think the way they did.

These questions represent the types of habits and beliefs I had. When I began my journey, I was conscious of some habits and beliefs I had and wanted to change.  What surprised me were the habits and beliefs I wasn’t aware I had.  Like an onion, as I peeled one layer I would discover another layer of limiting beliefs and habits that was interfering with my happiness.

The most challenging habit I wanted to change was blaming others. Being a strong-willed person, I thought I had to fight for everything.  I blamed my parents, and others for not understanding me.  I felt unheard, and misunderstood.

My biggest shock came when I realized I believed I was a victim.  One day I was writing in my journal and had lost my train of thought so I went back to reread what I had just written.  That was when I got that Ah-ha moment.  As I was reading I could see the victim personality.   I was blown away!  I immediately started to leaf back and read previous entries and with my new awareness I saw it.  There, in my own handwriting “Poor Me”.

That was my biggest turning point.  No longer wanting to be a victim.  I started to take 100% responsibility for what happens in my life.  Looking back, I thought I had accidentally discovered the movie the “Secret” which was pivotal for me.  Now I know I had attracted the movie because of my sincere desire to overcome my victim mentality.  I’ve been attracting what I need ever since.

The best gift I received as I eliminated one behavior at a time:  increased self-confidence and self-esteem. As I discarded layers of old habits, and limiting beliefs and practice new healthy habits and empowering beliefs my confidence and self-esteem grew. 

I would love to share what I’ve learned with you.  I am starting a Tele-Class series where you’ll have the opportunity to peel your layers of old habits and limited beliefs.  We’ll also discuss the Law of Attraction, and how we can experience unlimited joy and happiness.

Would you be willing to let go of all your unhealthy habits and limited beliefs?
Would you be willing to experience joy and happiness all the time?
Would you be willing to find your passion?
Would you like to accept you for whom you are right now?
Would you be willing to let go of the old you and reconnect with your true self?

Ready to begin your journey to personal growth?  

Go to Make Life Changes and sign up NOW for this upcoming FREE Tele-Class.

See you there!

Diana

In the past, I was unhappy, so I decided to improve my life.  I intuitively knew I had low confidence and self-esteem, and wanted to improve these.  I just didn’t know how.  I went online to Amazon.com and typed in confidence and self-esteem and thousands of books came up.  I didn’t know which books would work for me. I was confused and overwhelmed, and did what I always did when I got into this state.  I rationalized, complained, procrastinated, and talked myself out of my desire to change. Until…

I found the show, Starting Over.  It was about a group of women living in a house, learning how to make life changes, by two Life Coaches.  One of the women named Andy, was upset with an assignment her life coach, Rhonda Britten, had given her.  I don’t remember what she said, or the details; I just understood how Andy felt.  I identified with her.  I felt her pain, because it was my pain. I heard her frustration, because it was my frustration. I saw her anger, because it was my anger.  I felt her hopelessness. In my mind’s eye I envisioned the wall she had built around herself, because I had the same type of wall surrounding me.  I identified with her.  I saw the unhappy me portrayed in this daytime TV show. 

I was hooked. I wanted to learn how to change my life.  When Rhonda spoke to Andy, I felt she was talking to me.  There were other women in the house that I identified with, but not as strong as with Andy. 

Then Rhonda told her story.  She had seen her father shoot her mother and then shoot himself in front of her. Leaving her as a witness to her parent’s murder/suicide at 14!  Boy did my problems feel insignificant!

But they were my problems, therefore, real and significant. My problems were preventing me from having the life I wanted: A joyful and happy life. 

I decided to buy Rhonda’s book Change Your Life In 30 Days, and it did.  It allowed me to get in touch with the “real” me.    I then bought Fearless Living, Rhonda’s first book.  That book was powerful for me, because I got in touch with my fear.  Fear that ran my life, and prevented me from living a joyful life.  The insights, the lessons, and personal growth I received from reading those two books propelled me on my journey toward personal growth.  One of the biggest revelations I had, I discovered I had surrounded myself with people like me. Who were unhappy with life, and just existing day to day. 

Rhonda Britten was my first step to building my confidence, self-esteem, and living my life.  I have read books by several authors, attended workshops, learned exciting techniques, and have been coach.  Like a baby learning to walk, at first I was wobbly, taking tiny steps, but each day I practice the tools I had learned until one day I discover I could run!

I will share a valuable lesson I learned. You can learn all you want, but unless you integrate, by putting it into practice, it’s just another learning that will be put back on the shelf.

Another person who has been very influential in my personal growth is Jack Canfield.  When I first heard Jack talk about his childhood, I understood his childhood, because it was very similar to mine.

Here is another lesson I will share with you. when you get these recognitions, ACT.  I’ve discovered that it’s the Universe, God, or whatever higher power you believe in, telling you to pay attention, it’s time to change.  To go for what you have been asking for.

I had been asking for a happier life.  I was tired of feeling unhappy, stressed, lonely and just plain miserable.  I complained and whined about it, but didn’t make much effort to do anything about it.  Oh, I had excuses.  I had no time. I didn’t know what to do.  No one cared about me.   I could go on and on.  Now looking back, I see the universe was presenting me opportunities and not problems.   I was just to steep in my misery to see.  Until, one day I paid attention.  And decided to START OVER.  I am so grateful for that show, and how it helped me, help myself.

I had decided to work on my self-confidence first, then my self-esteem.  To my surprise, as my confidence grew, so did my self-esteem! 

Now thanks to Rhonda Britten, Jack Canfield, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Choppa, Kevin Hogan and others.  I have a bag filled with wonderful tools that I can use when I find myself, falling back into bad habits.  I would like to share these tools with you.

That is why I’ve created the Confidence Study Group.

This won’t be like a typical study group, where everyone gets together to discuss a book.  This club will provide proven tips, tools and tactics to build confidence and self-esteem.

Are You Willing To Follow A Study Group To Build Confidence?

If you want to learn more, go to www.theconfidencestudygroup.com

Together we will grow, and support each other through our confidence-building journey.

A great way to boost your confidence and self-esteem is to keep a journal.

A journal is a wonderful tool to remind you how good you really are. What you have to be thankful for and pleased about in your life right now.

You can record your thoughts using a notebook, your computer, or record it.  Just so it’s in a place you can easily refer to.

The goal is to write in your journal daily. For now, start by taking 10 minutes, once a week for the next month and write what you are grateful for and acknowledge any small successes.

Remember, making excuses only hurts you, so make a commitment to start today.

Can’t think of what to write?  You can begin by answering the following questions below. Sit down and write your thoughts to:

1. What do I have to be grateful for in my life right now?
2. What am I happy or excited about in my life right now?
3. Why am I happy about these things?
4. What did I accomplish last week?
5. Who do I love and appreciate in my life?
6. Who do I like spending time with?
7. Who loves and appreciates me for who I am?

Answer these questions at the start of each week and it will set you up for success. And it will remind you of what you have that is good, in your life right now.
 

A lot of people have written asking the question, “How do I build up my confidence?” 

A couple of years ago, I had asked the same question.  I knew I wanted to be more confident, but didn’t know where to start. 

What  I want to do is answer your question by telling you my own personal journey to self-confidence.  I am hoping to inspire you by showing how I overcame my fears, uncertainties and struggles. 

I can tell my story because I keep a journal.  I write in it when I am confused, frustrated, and angry. Also, especially when I get that Ah-ha moment.  I am happy that I’ve written about my personal growth.  Not only because I can share it with you, but because I can read back and see how much I have grown. 

I will share a valuable lesson I learned.  I missed seeing my accomplishments.  Why? I was focused on what I had lost in the past, and what I wanted in the future.  The lesson I learned, and now share with you, be in the present.  Acknowledge all your achievements, no matter how big or small. 

What did I want to change about myself?  I was in a marriage that was draining the life out of me, a job that was expecting me to work 24/7 and with the continual downsizing was beyond stressful.  The bulk of my family moved 1000 miles away.  I was afraid to make a decision about anything in my personal life.  In my business life, I had learned to be somewhat confident.  In my personal life I was a mess.  My childhood traumas were starting to resurface; I guess it was time to deal with them too. 

I was afraid, unhappy, lonely and just existing in life.  I had lost sight of the young women who spoke her mind, who wanted to accomplish so much.  I was born with an independent, free spirited soul.  However, continually reacting to life instead of living life, gave me a life full of details.  I found myself dealing with problem after problem.  I had lost sight of my dreams, and most importantly lost sight of who I was. 

My children were grown and out of the house. Here I was, this person I no longer recognized, and doing the things I swore I would never do.  I realized something had to change… me. 

My first step was making the decision to take care of me.  I didn’t have the foggiest idea how I was going to accomplish this. I just knew that it was what I wanted.

This is my story.  We all have our own stories.  I’ve discovered the important thing is to recognize it and make the decision to move on from there.  We can’t change what happen, and we don’t know for sure what the future will bring.  We can only be certain on what is happening now at this moment.

Through my journey I’ve discovered many things.  Here is another lesson I will share with you.  When you give your power away, you also give away your confidence and self-esteem.

Our circumstances might be different, but if any of this resonates with you, and you are ready to reclaim your personal power and reconnect with yourself. Than I encourage you to come back and see what tips you want to incorporate in your life.

“The hardest part of the journey, is the first step” – Anonymous

Confidently yours,
Diana Vento