The Confidence Blog

A while back I had written how habits, some we are aware of, and some we aren’t, erode our self-confidence and self-esteem.

Predicting was #1 on the list.

What do I mean by predicting?  I am talking about when you are expecting a certain outcome. You already “think” you “know” what will happen in any situation. 

Have you heard yourself say any of the following?
 “I already know what will happen”
“Why should I try, it’s not going to work anyway”
“If I ask for a raise, my boss won’t give it to me”
“Why ask him/her out, they are going to turn me down anyway”
“If I say no, I know they won’t like me anymore”
“Things always go wrong for me.”
“I won’t win, I am unlucky”

And my favorite, (because in the past I used it all the time) is of course…..

Yesterday as I was talking to several people about their weekend, I often heard them use the phrase of course several times throughout their conversation.

Having been trained in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) I listen to people’s words.  This allows me a glimpse into someone’s self-confidence, and self-esteem.  When I hear someone say of course, and always, I’ve discovered they are predicting.  Of course they already know what will happen.  This prevents them from having any other reality or any changes because they are expecting it to happen this way.  Also, they are not being accountable, because it allows it to be someone else’s fault.

Here are some examples. . .

“Of course it would have to rain”
“Of course the economy is going to fail”
“Of course the tires needed air, and that cost me money”
“Of course she was going to say that”
“Of course ______ (you fill in the blank).

“He always says that”
“She always does that”
“This always happens”

For me,  of course and always were the sayings I found the hardest to change. But when I did, it allowed me to have a different experience from the one I would have normally expected.  I no longer expected what was going to happen, instead I experienced, what was happening.

When we look for and expect the of course, and always, then of course it will always happen!

According to the Law Of Attraction, you receive what you put your attention to.  If you are expecting something to happen, then it will. 

Want to change this?

First – listen to your words.  Words are so powerful.  Hear how many times you say of course, and always.  See what pictures; sounds or sensations come up when you say these words.

Second – when you hear yourself say, “of course this will happen”, change that sentence to “I wonder what will happen, this is what I want to happen.” 

By doing this you will change your energy and tell the universe what you desire. 

You’ll see as you let go of the predicting and expectations, and start receiving what you desire, you will start feeling better about yourself, which will increase your self-esteem.  When you feel better about yourself, you will begin to start taking risks, which will increase your self-confidence.

I encourage you to take the first step TODAY!

To Your Success,

Diana Vento CH

Confidence and Self-Esteem is all about awareness.  Being aware of the conversations in your head, how you react in a situation, your habits and beliefs.  Here is a list of some habits and beliefs that could erode your Confidence and Self-Esteem.  How many do   you practice?

Do you awfulize?
Do you predict?
Do you look for outside validation?
Do you blame?
Do you give up?
Do you procrastinate?
Do you lack discipline?
Do you complain?
Do you say YES when you want to say NO?
Do you ask for what you want?
Do you fear not being heard, or understood?
Do you make excuses?
Do you say No when help is offered?
Do you not accept a compliment?
Do you feel like a failure?
Do you feel unlovable?
Do you feel you don’t deserve success?
Do you feel like a victim?

I heard someone once say, “we are a product of what people expect us to be” I know that was true for me.  I was taught to accept my parents, teachers, or any authority figure as the authority on what was best for me.  I was expected to feel, act and think the way they did.

These questions represent the types of habits and beliefs I had. When I began my journey, I was conscious of some habits and beliefs I had and wanted to change.  What surprised me were the habits and beliefs I wasn’t aware I had.  Like an onion, as I peeled one layer I would discover another layer of limiting beliefs and habits that was interfering with my happiness.

The most challenging habit I wanted to change was blaming others. Being a strong-willed person, I thought I had to fight for everything.  I blamed my parents, and others for not understanding me.  I felt unheard, and misunderstood.

My biggest shock came when I realized I believed I was a victim.  One day I was writing in my journal and had lost my train of thought so I went back to reread what I had just written.  That was when I got that Ah-ha moment.  As I was reading I could see the victim personality.   I was blown away!  I immediately started to leaf back and read previous entries and with my new awareness I saw it.  There, in my own handwriting “Poor Me”.

That was my biggest turning point.  No longer wanting to be a victim.  I started to take 100% responsibility for what happens in my life.  Looking back, I thought I had accidentally discovered the movie the “Secret” which was pivotal for me.  Now I know I had attracted the movie because of my sincere desire to overcome my victim mentality.  I’ve been attracting what I need ever since.

The best gift I received as I eliminated one behavior at a time:  increased self-confidence and self-esteem. As I discarded layers of old habits, and limiting beliefs and practice new healthy habits and empowering beliefs my confidence and self-esteem grew. 

I would love to share what I’ve learned with you.  I am starting a Tele-Class series where you’ll have the opportunity to peel your layers of old habits and limited beliefs.  We’ll also discuss the Law of Attraction, and how we can experience unlimited joy and happiness.

Would you be willing to let go of all your unhealthy habits and limited beliefs?
Would you be willing to experience joy and happiness all the time?
Would you be willing to find your passion?
Would you like to accept you for whom you are right now?
Would you be willing to let go of the old you and reconnect with your true self?

Ready to begin your journey to personal growth?  

Go to Make Life Changes and sign up NOW for this upcoming FREE Tele-Class.

See you there!

Diana

In the past, I was unhappy, so I decided to improve my life.  I intuitively knew I had low confidence and self-esteem, and wanted to improve these.  I just didn’t know how.  I went online to Amazon.com and typed in confidence and self-esteem and thousands of books came up.  I didn’t know which books would work for me. I was confused and overwhelmed, and did what I always did when I got into this state.  I rationalized, complained, procrastinated, and talked myself out of my desire to change. Until…

I found the show, Starting Over.  It was about a group of women living in a house, learning how to make life changes, by two Life Coaches.  One of the women named Andy, was upset with an assignment her life coach, Rhonda Britten, had given her.  I don’t remember what she said, or the details; I just understood how Andy felt.  I identified with her.  I felt her pain, because it was my pain. I heard her frustration, because it was my frustration. I saw her anger, because it was my anger.  I felt her hopelessness. In my mind’s eye I envisioned the wall she had built around herself, because I had the same type of wall surrounding me.  I identified with her.  I saw the unhappy me portrayed in this daytime TV show. 

I was hooked. I wanted to learn how to change my life.  When Rhonda spoke to Andy, I felt she was talking to me.  There were other women in the house that I identified with, but not as strong as with Andy. 

Then Rhonda told her story.  She had seen her father shoot her mother and then shoot himself in front of her. Leaving her as a witness to her parent’s murder/suicide at 14!  Boy did my problems feel insignificant!

But they were my problems, therefore, real and significant. My problems were preventing me from having the life I wanted: A joyful and happy life. 

I decided to buy Rhonda’s book Change Your Life In 30 Days, and it did.  It allowed me to get in touch with the “real” me.    I then bought Fearless Living, Rhonda’s first book.  That book was powerful for me, because I got in touch with my fear.  Fear that ran my life, and prevented me from living a joyful life.  The insights, the lessons, and personal growth I received from reading those two books propelled me on my journey toward personal growth.  One of the biggest revelations I had, I discovered I had surrounded myself with people like me. Who were unhappy with life, and just existing day to day. 

Rhonda Britten was my first step to building my confidence, self-esteem, and living my life.  I have read books by several authors, attended workshops, learned exciting techniques, and have been coach.  Like a baby learning to walk, at first I was wobbly, taking tiny steps, but each day I practice the tools I had learned until one day I discover I could run!

I will share a valuable lesson I learned. You can learn all you want, but unless you integrate, by putting it into practice, it’s just another learning that will be put back on the shelf.

Another person who has been very influential in my personal growth is Jack Canfield.  When I first heard Jack talk about his childhood, I understood his childhood, because it was very similar to mine.

Here is another lesson I will share with you. when you get these recognitions, ACT.  I’ve discovered that it’s the Universe, God, or whatever higher power you believe in, telling you to pay attention, it’s time to change.  To go for what you have been asking for.

I had been asking for a happier life.  I was tired of feeling unhappy, stressed, lonely and just plain miserable.  I complained and whined about it, but didn’t make much effort to do anything about it.  Oh, I had excuses.  I had no time. I didn’t know what to do.  No one cared about me.   I could go on and on.  Now looking back, I see the universe was presenting me opportunities and not problems.   I was just to steep in my misery to see.  Until, one day I paid attention.  And decided to START OVER.  I am so grateful for that show, and how it helped me, help myself.

I had decided to work on my self-confidence first, then my self-esteem.  To my surprise, as my confidence grew, so did my self-esteem! 

Now thanks to Rhonda Britten, Jack Canfield, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Choppa, Kevin Hogan and others.  I have a bag filled with wonderful tools that I can use when I find myself, falling back into bad habits.  I would like to share these tools with you.

That is why I’ve created the Confidence Study Group.

This won’t be like a typical study group, where everyone gets together to discuss a book.  This club will provide proven tips, tools and tactics to build confidence and self-esteem.

Are You Willing To Follow A Study Group To Build Confidence?

If you want to learn more, go to www.theconfidencestudygroup.com

Together we will grow, and support each other through our confidence-building journey.

Here is a question I received asking me how they would know if their self-confidence was improving.

Do you have a clear vision on what it feels, sound and looks like to be self-confident?  What is your definition for self-confidence?

Here is a little exercise. Take of a piece of paper and make 2 columns.  Label one column: Confidence Qualities.  In this column you will list all the qualities you think a self-confident person would possess. Label the other column: My Confidence Qualities. In this column you will rate all your self-confidence qualities. 

Now close your eyes and slowly take a deep breath, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.  Do this 3 times. As you take in a breath, imagine a stream of white light coming from above and entering through the top of you head, washing through your body.  As the stream of light enters you, and you connect to the light, open your heart, and ask for divine guidance. When you are ready open your eyes, and without thinking write, in the column labeled: Confidence Qualities, all the qualities that make a person confident.  What a confident person looks, sounds and feels like.  How would they walk? What would they say? How do they feel?  What makes you think this person has confidence? There is no right or wrong.  Write everything in the column.

Now repeat the breathing exercise.   When you open you eyes, go down each item you wrote for the confident person, and rate each quality using a scale from 1 to 10 (1 meaning you don’t possess the quality, to 10 meaning you have mastered the quality). Place your number in the column labeled: My Confidence Qualities.  Also write any additional qualities that you possess, but didn’t list in the first column.

Now look at your ratings, and any rating with an eight or higher cross off the list.  Ratings with 7 or lower will indicate where you want to make improvements.  By doing this exercise you will now have a clear picture of what you already possess, and what to improve on. You’ll find God, the universe or whatever higher power you believe in, if you don’t believe, then your higher self, will start providing it.  You’ll become tuned in.  And the tools will start presenting themselves to you.

I would be interested on what you discover after completing the exercise.  Feel free to submit a comment and let me know how you did.

To Your Success
Diana Vento
Make Life Changes

A great way to boost your confidence and self-esteem is to keep a journal.

A journal is a wonderful tool to remind you how good you really are. What you have to be thankful for and pleased about in your life right now.

You can record your thoughts using a notebook, your computer, or record it.  Just so it’s in a place you can easily refer to.

The goal is to write in your journal daily. For now, start by taking 10 minutes, once a week for the next month and write what you are grateful for and acknowledge any small successes.

Remember, making excuses only hurts you, so make a commitment to start today.

Can’t think of what to write?  You can begin by answering the following questions below. Sit down and write your thoughts to:

1. What do I have to be grateful for in my life right now?
2. What am I happy or excited about in my life right now?
3. Why am I happy about these things?
4. What did I accomplish last week?
5. Who do I love and appreciate in my life?
6. Who do I like spending time with?
7. Who loves and appreciates me for who I am?

Answer these questions at the start of each week and it will set you up for success. And it will remind you of what you have that is good, in your life right now.
 

How can you help someone build his or her self-confidence?  Building ones Self Confidence and Self-Esteem is a very personal journey.  Yes, we would like to see our love ones, friends, or co-workers have self-confidence. However, they have to want it.  You can’t do it for them.

Resist from telling someone how they should act, or what they should do.  Even if you think it’s just friendly advice, and it’s because you care.  It could make then feel worse.  People with low self-confidence and low self-esteem, are already beating themselves up.  Do you remember what it was like when your self-confidence and self-esteem were low? 

Remember, take 100% responsibility for yourself, and allow the other person to take their own 100% responsibility. 

So, what can you do?

You can be an example.  Show them how someone walks, talks and acts with confidence. When they see how confident you are, they might ask you how you did it.  This will be your opportunity to tell them how you’ve mastered self-confidence.  Remember, to keep your statement in the “I” and “for me” model.  Keep it about you, not about them.

You can always invite them to participate in your self-confidence building events.  Such as, Teleseminars, Groups, Lectures and such.  People hear things when they are ready.  So by inviting them, you are at least exposing them to a different way of thinking.  And someday they just might get that Aha moment. 

Also, explore the reasons what you want to change someone’s behavior.  Does that person’s behavior annoy you?  Are they trigging something inside you? Be clear on your motivation, and then take responsibility for your own personal growth.

Have Life Your Way,

diana vento
 

I was listening to Jack Canfield yesterday and someone ask him, “how do you start building confidence?” He said, “Just begin”. You don’t have to wait until something is perfect, or wait until it’s the right time or place. “Just begin”. Sometimes the first step is the hardest, but once you begin you’ll start building up a momentum.

Have you ever been invited somewhere, and you really didn’t want to go, but felt you had to? You came up with one excuse after another, on why not to go. Then you get there, and you have the best time of your life. You are just so glad that you went, and didn’t miss out.

That use to happen to me a lot. I would come up with all types of excuses. I don’t know why I did it. I just did it. Then I would get there, and have a really good time, so much sometimes that I wouldn’t want to leave. Well one day, as I was driving home I realized that I had this pattern. I didn’t see it before, until that night, because I heard myself saying, “I was glad I went because I would have missed seeing so and so, and would have missed this wonderful time”. Then it hit me! It didn’t matter why I did it, what really mattered was how I could change it.

On the drive home, I kept mulling over how I could change my behavior. When I got home, I put on the TV and a commercial came on for Nike. I wasn’t paying all that much attention to it, until I saw the slogan “Just Do It”. The slogan resonated throughout my body. “Just Do It” 3 simple words. I decided then and there to say to myself “Just Do It” when I started making up excuses. I had ‘just begun” a new way to change my old pattern.

That was 2 years ago. Now, only on rare occasions, my old habit will come back. I’ll hear myself start making excuses. When I do, I stop and say; “Just Do It” and I instantly let it go. I’ve applied that saying to quite a few things in my life.

Where do you begin? Just begin by changing your choice. If you always do something the same way, and are not getting the results you want, then make a different choice. Hey, what’s the worse that can happen? You get the same results? If that happens, make a different choice until you get the results you want.

Do you know the saying, “what is insanity”? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get different results. Well, stop the insanity in your life by making a different choice.

Just Do It
Diane

Ps. If you are looking for a tool to help you change the way you think, and make better choices. Check out the ebook Creating Instant Self-Confidence here.

Hello Everyone!

I hope you had a wonderful summer! Summer, for me, is the season of fun, with the longer days, and warmer weather. It’s a time to visit, travel and just enjoy yourself. Even the daily traffic is less.

This weekend we change into a new season, Fall. This is my favorite season. Where I live, here in the East, Fall means the promise of colorful foliage, sunny days and crisp nights. Even though the weather isn’t co-operating right now, with the high 80’s summer like temperatures, I know it will come.

It doesn’t matter where you live to experience the season changes. Even if you live in a climate that’s the same all year round, you can still notice the season change. You can notice it by the holidays we celebrate, the children going back to school, or even the increase in traffic.

What else can a season change give us besides changed weather patterns?

It can give us a new perspective. When a season comes to an end I always reflect on the last 3 months and ask myself “What changes did I make towards my goal of increased confidence?” “What behaviors didn’t I change?” “What am I willing to change?”

As the trees drop their leaves, you too can drop your old habits, and beliefs. Answer the question “What am I willing to change?” and take these next three months to do it. A long time ago someone told me it takes 21 consecutive days to change a habit, and 3 months to get rid of it completely. Here’s your opportunity to take advantage of this changing season by changing a habit.

The great thing is that we don’t have to change everything about ourselves all at once. Take the elephant approach. How do you eat an elephant? You eat an elephant, one bite at a time. How do you change yourself? You change one habit at a time. It can be a huge habit, or a tiny one. Just as long as it moves you forward on your path to increased self-confidence.

Happy Fall!
diana

A few years ago I started building my confidence, and applying The Secret, and wasn’t even aware that I was doing it!

Looking back, I see that I had an instinct on how to get the confidence I needed to accomplish one of my dreams.

Through the years I’ve learned how to perfect it. Now it has become natural for me to tap into my confidence muscle at will.

Does that mean I don’t EVER get nervous, anxious, or sometimes overwhelmed? No it doesn’t, but now I know how to change it and get what I want.

A few years back I went to Egypt and Israel. At the time it was highly suggested that a trip like that was impossible and not safe. Everyone I talked to said, “I was crazy and shouldn’t go”. My mom called me every day to inform me of the newest “tragic event” that was happening in the Middle East. Even my doctor, while giving me my required shots, gave me a lecture after each painful stabbing.

BUT no matter what anyone said… I WENT.

How did I do that, even though I was a single mom, just making enough money to support all 3 of us?

First – I decided what I wanted, and had a passion for going to Egypt.

Second – I put a picture of Egypt on my refrigerator. Now I understand that I was asking the universe for what I wanted.

Third – My friend Linda, who was going with me, and I researched the safest, and cheapest way to go. We also researched all the other details required to go to Egypt and Israel. When we went on our trip - we were prepared.

Fourth – when my family and friends nagged, I would smile, thank them for their concern and then tune them out. This was easy, being a mother of 2 preteens; I had practice tuning out unnecessary noise.

Fifth - Every task I did for the trip, I would envision myself there. When I got my picture for my passport, I saw myself in front of a pyramid. When I got my passport, I saw them stamping it at the border. When I got my plane ticket I saw myself sitting in the plane flying toward Egypt.

Not once did I ever doubt that I could pay for it. I started putting $15 a week aside. I cut out the extras to pay for my trip. The government changed the tax laws that year and I received an extra $1000 in my tax refund. I now had more than enough money for my trip. The universe had provided.

I went for 2 weeks. It was the first time I had been out of the country and been away that long without my children.

What happened? I HAD A BLAST! All these years later, I still remember the special times I’ve experienced in Egypt and Israel.

Now when I watch a show on Egypt or Israel I say “I was there!”

I say this was the beginning of my confidence building, because prior to that my life was all about pleasing others, not taking risk and life’s small details. I found the confidence I needed to leave the country, and to do what I’ve always wanted, in spite of all the negative energy coming my way.

The amazing thing is, I was always painfully shy, and couldn’t make a decision. When I was in Egypt, I was confident. I was so excited that any fears I had disappeared. In fact my friend keep saying, “Who are you?”

I brought that confidence back with me. After that my shyness started to become less and less, because I would remember me confidently talking to strangers. When a task came about, which I wouldn’t have confidence, I would remember going into the tombs (I was extremely claustrophobic) and said, “If I could do that I can do anything!”

Does that mean you have to go out of the country or go on an extreme trip? It would be fun, but no.

Do you know what you want? Identify what you want, be specific.
How will you know you have it? Have a way to measure your success.
Are you taking 100% responsibility for why you don’t have it now? Stop blaming others.

Example:
I knew what I wanted – and I had the passion for it. Going to Egypt.
I knew when I would have it. It was when I landed at the Cairo airport.
I took 100% responsibility for me not going before this. I stopped blaming other.

I could have blamed my parents for making me feel insecure, or my ex-husband for leaving me with 2 children to raise, or my boss for not paying me the salary I thought I deserved. The list can go on and on. Instead I accepted that my life was the way it was because of me. I also knew I was ready to change my life, and experience the joy, which always seem to be just out of reach

Are you ready to start building your self-confidence and self-esteem? Great! A journey begins with the first step. Take that first step and identify what you want. Identify a way to measure your success. And most importantly, take 100% responsibility. Once you have completed this, you can then start learning some other techniques to continue your journey on building your confidence and self-esteem.

To your confident life!

1. Learn to be more aware of your reactions. See, hear and feel what your body and mind are telling you.

2. Clarify what self-confidence means to you. How will you know when you have self-confidence?

3. Think about someone who is confident. Act, talk and walk like them. Model their behavior until it becomes your own.

4. Learn from your past. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You can’t change it, so learn from it.

5. Learn to pay attention to the internal chatter that goes on in your head. Is it negative or positive self-talk?

6. Whenever you hear a negative thought, STOP and immediately change it to a positive thought.

7. Be prepared for whatever challenges you are going to have to face.

8. Don’t let others words lower your confidence. It’s not important what they think, because they have their own issue/agenda. What’s important is what you think and what is good for you.

9. Every day write down your achievements and successes you had throughout the day.

10. When you wake up in the morning, be grateful for what you have. This will start your day in a positive way.