The Confidence Blog

I had a friend come to me the other day and thank me for a tip I gave her. In our previous conversation, she was telling me she couldn’t fall asleep at night because she would start thinking about everything she had to do the next day. She was focusing on all the things she hadn’t accomplish that day, and all she had to do the next day. Her mind working overtime, and she found it difficult to fall asleep. The more she thought about how much she had to do, the more overwhelmed, and stressed she became.

In our conversation, I had given her a suggestion. I suggested she focus on what did get done, instead of focusing on what didn’t get done. Like counting sheep, count your successes. Then you will see how much you have accomplished and you will feel satisfied.

She told me she was lying in bed, thinking of all the things she didn’t get to that day, and all she had to do the next day. While she was lying in bed getting stressed out and overwhelmed, she said “I heard your voice in my head telling me to review my day and list all my successes. I did and started feeling better and fell asleep.” The next night she started thinking about all she yet had to do. She said again my voice came into her head, and she started making a list of all she did that day. She took her children to get new shoes, went to the cleaners, made dinner, washed, folded and put away clothes. And the list went on. She said she fell asleep not feeling stressed, overwhelmed or guilty. She told me now she does this every night before she goes to sleep.

She took action! And every night she continues to take action. If she continues for 21 consecutive days, she will create a new habit. Like brushing her teeth every night she will automatically review her day and count her success. She will also find it will become easier and easier to fall asleep stress and worry free.

This technique can be used in any area of your life. When you continually list and acknowledge your successes, instead of focuses on your failures, you will see your self-esteem, and confidence improve.

To Your Success!
Diana

If you really want to become more self-confident and have more self-esteem, then you are going have to be willing to change.

Building your confidence and esteem is not an overnight process.  It takes commitment, dedication and desire.  It takes finding the tool that will work for you and integrating them into your daily life.

What do I mean by integrating? I mean putting into practice what you learn every day. 

It is similar to when you learned how to walk. Have you ever watched a baby learn how to walk?  First they crawl around. Then they pull themselves up and hold onto something, a table, couch or someone’s hand while finding their balance. Once they have found their balance they then take that first step.  They don’t immediately get up and start running. No they repeat the process over and over, and with each repeating they become steadier and take more risk.  They continue until they find that perfect balance and are walking without assistance. When that happens, they don’t think about it anymore, because it becomes second nature.

The same thing happens when building your self-confidence and self-esteem.  The couch, table or helping hand, can represent books, seminars, or a coach.  Once you have found your balance, the tool that inspires you, you can then start practicing.  As you put into action what you have learned you will find that every day, you will become stronger and find that balance which will allow you to be more confident. Before you know it you won’t even have to consciously think about what to do, or how to act.

You will start:
Feeling good about yourself,
Asking for what you want
Willing to try something new
Loving yourself
Putting yourself first.
AND. . .

You can be, do and have anything you want!

A while back I had written how habits, some we are aware of, and some we aren’t, erode our self-confidence and self-esteem.

Predicting was #1 on the list.

What do I mean by predicting?  I am talking about when you are expecting a certain outcome. You already “think” you “know” what will happen in any situation. 

Have you heard yourself say any of the following?
 “I already know what will happen”
“Why should I try, it’s not going to work anyway”
“If I ask for a raise, my boss won’t give it to me”
“Why ask him/her out, they are going to turn me down anyway”
“If I say no, I know they won’t like me anymore”
“Things always go wrong for me.”
“I won’t win, I am unlucky”

And my favorite, (because in the past I used it all the time) is of course…..

Yesterday as I was talking to several people about their weekend, I often heard them use the phrase of course several times throughout their conversation.

Having been trained in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) I listen to people’s words.  This allows me a glimpse into someone’s self-confidence, and self-esteem.  When I hear someone say of course, and always, I’ve discovered they are predicting.  Of course they already know what will happen.  This prevents them from having any other reality or any changes because they are expecting it to happen this way.  Also, they are not being accountable, because it allows it to be someone else’s fault.

Here are some examples. . .

“Of course it would have to rain”
“Of course the economy is going to fail”
“Of course the tires needed air, and that cost me money”
“Of course she was going to say that”
“Of course ______ (you fill in the blank).

“He always says that”
“She always does that”
“This always happens”

For me,  of course and always were the sayings I found the hardest to change. But when I did, it allowed me to have a different experience from the one I would have normally expected.  I no longer expected what was going to happen, instead I experienced, what was happening.

When we look for and expect the of course, and always, then of course it will always happen!

According to the Law Of Attraction, you receive what you put your attention to.  If you are expecting something to happen, then it will. 

Want to change this?

First – listen to your words.  Words are so powerful.  Hear how many times you say of course, and always.  See what pictures; sounds or sensations come up when you say these words.

Second – when you hear yourself say, “of course this will happen”, change that sentence to “I wonder what will happen, this is what I want to happen.” 

By doing this you will change your energy and tell the universe what you desire. 

You’ll see as you let go of the predicting and expectations, and start receiving what you desire, you will start feeling better about yourself, which will increase your self-esteem.  When you feel better about yourself, you will begin to start taking risks, which will increase your self-confidence.

I encourage you to take the first step TODAY!

To Your Success,

Diana Vento CH

I would like to share an experience I had the other day.  A coworker and I were taking a walk. When we returned to the building, someone ask us how our walk was.  We answered at the same time.  I said wonderful, and she said terrible and started to explain why.  I don’t know what she said because I was so shocked by the word terrible.

During the day, I would think about it and become baffle.  Actually, I felt like I had cotton in my head, because I just couldn’t fathom why she said our walk was terrible.  For me it was great, the weather was beautiful, the sky a clear blue with white fluffy clouds.  The sun was warm, with a slight cool breeze, which kept me from getting overheated.  It felt great to be out of the office and in the sunshine and fresh air.  So for me, to hear that our walk was terrible I just didn’t understand it.

Later that night, as I was writing in my journal recalling the day’s events, all of a sudden I realized something important.  The old me, would have taken her comment personally.  I would have thought because she had a terrible time, it was about me; I was lousy company, or poor conversationalist. I would have owned it as my problem.  Now my self-esteem and self-confidence knows that it is not my issue, but hers.

So who was right, my walking companion or I?  Was the walk Terrible or Wonderful?

We are both right.

Now I understand how two people can experience the same event and have completely different experiences and both are correct! 

How?

We all live in our own reality.  Our reality consists of our own life experience, personality and thought patterns.

If you expect to see the worse of something or someone you are going to find it.   The same goes for looking for the best.  If you look for the best in something, or someone you will find it.

During our walk, my companion found fault in everything, and complained about her life situation, and the people she encounters.  She walked with an unhappy attitude.  Therefore, she saw the walk as terrible.

In my reality, I was grateful for the nice weather, I was grateful for the opportunity to be outside.  For me, because I did my walk with appreciation, I enjoyed it. Therefore, it felt Wonderful.

So how about you?

Leave a comment and let us know,” How are you currently walking through life?   And does it match with, “How do you want to walk through life?”