The Confidence Blog

I was sitting in my kitchen thinking about the client I had recently helped. They were able to remember a childhood trauma that was interfering with their ability to lose weight.  They not only released the trauma from their subconscious, but I helped them release it from their body.  This trauma had manifested in their stomach, like an ulcer.

As I was reminiscing, I started to shift through my childhood, and these Cliché’s popped into my mind.  It takes one to know one, and Sticks and stones might hurt my bones but words will never hurt me.  At the time, I use to say these when someone would call me a name. It is not until now, that I understand the meaning behind these words.

Have you ever had someone judge or put a label on you?  It usually starts with you are . . . stupid, lazy, selfish, mean, unkind, arrogant, conceited, a slob, and fat.  The list can go on.  As a child, I usually heard I was lazy, selfish and a fat pig. How about you?  Stop and take a moment and write down what people said to you that hurt.

When I was a child, and other children would call me names, I learned how to say. . . It takes one to know one, or Sticks and stones might hurt my bones but words will never hurt me.” At the time, I did not really know what it meant; it just felt good to shout it back.  However, when I heard name calling from a parent, teacher or any authority figure, it was crushing and I believe that something was wrong with me.  I wasn’t allowed to yell back It takes one to know one, or Sticks and stones might hurt my bones but words will never hurt me.

As an adult, I now realized not only was it crushing; I accepted it as a truth.  For years, I was afraid to ask for what I wanted for fear of being considered selfish.  I have always thought I was a fat pig, even when I was healthy and at the correct weight.  I would feel I was being judged as lazy if everything in my life was not neat and orderly.

How did I handle it?  I would shut down, beat myself up, or lashed out.  I frequently would “cut off my nose to spite my face.”

How did I overcome this?

First – I became aware of what triggered me.  I started to pay attention to my reactions when I felt someone was judging me.

Second – I used hypnosis to get to the “core” of my issue, and release it.

Third – I realized that the only way someone could hurt me with words, is if I let them.  If I let them, it meant deep down I believed it was true.

As I worked on my issues, and beliefs, I became like Teflon, anytime anyone said something to hurt me, it never stuck.  If it did, then I knew it was my cue to see what belief I still held.

As I started to release my childhood traumas, my self-confidence and self-esteem started to build.  When my self-esteem started to increase, I felt good about me.  I had worth.  As my confidence grew, I was able to ask for what I wanted, without feeling selfish.

Like me, you too can overcome the judgments from others.  If someone calls you names, remember words will never hurt you… only if you let them.  If they do, ask yourself, what is the belief around the hurt?

To Your Success!

Diana

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First, let’s start building your self-esteem.  I believe, when you build your self-esteem your self-confidence builds automatically.  When you feel good about yourself, you take risk, and when you take risk, you increase your confidence. 

How do you do that?

I know for me, in the past, when I would look in the mirror I would list all the things I didn’t like about myself.  It would start with my hair, my mouth, my chin, and I would go down to my toes.  That would start a chain reaction and then I would think about the stupid thing I said, or get angry for saying yes, when I wanted to say no.  It would usually leave me feeling unhappy. 

Now that I look back, I see how I set myself up for disappointment and failure, every day.  I am happy I have learned how to change my way of thinking.

Start with, accepting who you are, accepting how you look, accepting where you are at this moment.  Accept it.  It is what it is.

Does that mean you are stuck feeling, looking or acting this way forever?  No.  Change takes time.  Change takes commitment.  Change happens when you WANT it, not because you think, you SHOULD want it.

Answer the following questions:

Question number one:  Do you want to like what you see in the mirror?  On the other hand, do you think you Should like what you see in the mirror?

Question number two:  If I had a magic wand, and you could change instantly, what would you like to see in the mirror?  How would you feel?

Question number three:  Are you willing to make a commitment to yourself?

Question number four:  Are you willing to be consistent and patient, while the changes unfold?

If you haven’t answered yes to all the questions, then ask, “what is my fear?”  Fear keeps us safe.  Change makes us take Risk. 

If you have answered yes, that’s GREAT!  Keep these answers handy and read them whenever you need a reminder on what you want, and how you want to feel.

Here is an exercise you can do.

Every time you look into the mirror, throw yourself a kiss and say, “I appreciate and love you” and then find one thing about your body that you like.  It could be anything.  When I did this exercise, I started with my nose.  It was the least offensive feature I thought I had.  To remind myself, and to be consistent, I taped a note on my mirror and wrote, “Diane, have you loved yourself today?”

At first, I use to laugh, and I couldn’t really look into my eyes.  On good days, I would joke around.  On bad days, I would grumble.  Nevertheless, I did it every day.  I was consistent because I wanted to be happy.

 Then something changed, I started doing it more often, instead of once a day.  I started to look at me not to find something wrong, but to find something nice.  I had nice feet.  I had nice nails and then it would be, I love to laugh, I love a challenge, I love . . . the list continued to grow.

One day, I was washing my face and looked into my eyes, and saw how pretty they were.  I have to admit, I was taken a little aback, until I realized, my eyes were no longer sad, but happy.  I saw the change, and I felt the change.

That gave me momentum.

Answer the questions, and do this exercise.  Soon you will hear yourself say. “I am confident and I truly like what I see in the mirror!”
Remember, LOVE you, you are WORTH it.

Love ya,

Diana

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