The Confidence Blog

Last week I had a meeting with strangers and I showed up as myself.  Showing up as me means, I was confident and gave my opinions, theories and insight calmly, and confidently.  I surprised myself, because in the past, when I was with strangers and would start to talk, my heart would start to beat fast, my hands would start to sweat, and I would forget what I wanted to say, or fumble on my words.  I’ve improved over the years, and my symptoms have lessens, however, the fast beating of my heart, the dry mouth and the scared feeling never really left until this meeting.  This time, I experienced calm and confidence. I showed up to that meeting happy and confident, because I was confident.  I received a pleasant insight about me.  I saw, heard and felt my intelligence.  All my years of experience came together.  I felt like an actor or athlete when all your training comes together with ease and grace. I felt alive!

What I realized, I had let go of my fears.  My fear of being wrong, my wanting approval, and validation. My fear of not being able to offer something of value.  I let go of the fear of being judged.  Of “losing my job” because I couldn’t perform.  I let go of my fear of being less then.  I let go of my fear of being wrong.  What I did was show up as me, with my personality, my experience and my perception of the situation.  I didn’t get hurt if they said my idea wasn’t what they were looking for.  I didn’t get crushed if I didn’t hear “job well done Diane”.  I didn’t get discouraged if they didn’t ask for more feedback.  I wasn’t afraid to disagree with their observations.  I truly came into the meeting as me, confident, and I walked away feeling better about myself.

I am hear to tell you, YOU too can have the same experience.  I see it as the Wizard of Oz.  The journey to self-confidence and self-esteem is like the yellow brick road.  The house falling on the wicked witch symbolized eliminating your past influences, and starting on your new journey.  The yellow brick road is that journey, promise of you dreams fulfillment.  Along the way, you pick up the scarecrow and you become aware of the thoughts going through you head.  Then you pick up the Tin Man, and you start forgiving and loving yourself.  Then you pick up the Lion, and your courage, and determination increase.  All the while on your journey, the Wicked Witch of the East, or your destructive, fearful, self is trying to stop you from succeeding.  With these three companions – insight, love and courage you make it to the Emerald City.  The Emerald city leads you home to your true self.

Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road.  Your off to become your confident self, in the Wonderful World of YOU.

To Your Success!

Diana

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As I was driving to work I realized that I had allowed my friend to put a fear into me that I normally didn’t have.  Her fear eroded my self confidence in driving on a particular road.

Let me explain.

Every day I drive the same road, it is called a bypass, and it ends at a curve.  A couple of weeks ago I was driving with my friend. We were laughing having a good time, until we approach this curve.  All of a sudden she screamed and said WATCH OUT.  Immediately my heart started to race, and my instincts kicked in.  I grabbed the wheel tighter, checked my mirrors and looked around for impending danger. All while in the middle of taking the curve.

When I ask her why she screamed, she said she thought there was ice on the road, and thought we were going to slide.  Mind you, it was a clear day, and the road was dry.  I assured her the road was fine.  I had experience and confidence with this part of the road, because in the last 8 months I have driven the road 5 days a week in all sorts of weather.

I thought the incident was over, but today I realized it wasn’t.  What happen… the very next time I reached the same spot; I heard her scream and felt myself lose my confidence. I was afraid I was going to go into a skid.  Then as the memory started to pass away, day by day, I wasn’t aware I was losing my confidence on that stretch of road.  Even though I wasn’t conscious of it, my body and behavior told another story.  I would slow down, I was unsure, my body would tense slightly, and I would hold my breath.  Then I started to rationalize.  Well her screaming WATCH OUT was a warning for me not to drive to fast, or I needed to learn how to slow down, or, maybe, I needed to take a safer route.

Last week, as I was driving, I started to think about the curve and I was 5 miles away!  Then it hit me, her actions had undermined my confidence.  I allowed her action to undermine my confidence.  I didn’t do it consciously, but unconsciously.

 As I was driving I could see it clearly.  What happened to me is what I call a typical impact moment.  A moment that impacts you forever, fear goes pass your conscious mind directly into your unconscious mind.  This is how a limited belief, fear or a phobia is created.  I was in an emotional happy place, and BAM – fear was directed at me.  That fear went directly into my subconscious mind.  Visually I can see it in my minds eye, you know those yellow signs, caution when wet?  Well, that is what I see, so anytime I was near the curve or any other curve like it, CAUTION and DOUBT came up. My subconscious mind was at work keeping me safe.

What happens is when fear by-passes the conscious mind, and goes directly into the subconscious mind, the subconscious minds holds on to it, so when a similar danger occurs, we take natural precaution. Meaning we react instead of act.

I am very appreciative of having this insight and awareness, because now I can reprogram my subconscious mind.

Here is the process I used to eliminate my fear.

Awareness
Decide
Action

Awareness: I became aware because I listen to my body and thoughts.

Decide:  Once I was aware of my problem, I made the decision to change it.  I no longer wanted the fear to rule my life.

Action:  I took action by picking the tool that would serve me the best.  I could use EFT to tap it away. I could use the Sedona Method and release it away. Or I could use Hypnosis and eliminate the fear and replace it with confidence.

That is what I did. 

I no longer think or worry about reaching the curve.  Sometimes when I remember, I just give a little laugh and think how foolish I was.

Find the tool, or combination of tools that will help you release your limiting beliefs, fears or phobias.  

Your subconscious will thank you.

To Your Success!

Diana

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Here is a confidence question I recently received.

Where do I even begin when I’ve lived a life of 36 years with virtually zero self-confidence? I know I need to learn to be my own best friend and give myself what I can’t get from others, but how do I do that?

Where do you begin? You have already begun, because the first step is knowing you want to make a change.  You are already aware that putting yourself first is best and that your happiness comes from within you, and not from others.  Congratulation on this awareness. 

Have you ever ask yourself “What does self-confidence mean to me?”

If someone were to ask you “Do you know how self confidence and self esteem look, feel and sound to you?” What would you answer? 

I’ve discovered people say they want more confidence and more self-esteem. When asked to describe it, they can’t, because they do not have a clear picture of what it feels, looks and sounds like.

Also, if you ask a group of people, you will probably find that everyone has a different idea what self-confidence means to them.  The reason is because we all see our world through our own life experiences.  These experiences, coupled with personal need create unique filters in which we view people, events and the world.

A few years back, I remember my sister and me reminiscing about our childhood. We started to talk about this particular incident that happened.  As we discussed the incident, I noticed not only did she have a completely different experience than I did, she also remember the incident differently from me.  I was astonished!  She believed what she experienced was true, and so did I.  It was the beginning for me to understand how we could both be right.  I was realizing even though we grew up in the same house, and had pretty much the same experiences, we were different people, with our own set of values, personalities and beliefs. 

This is why I think it is important to be clear on what self-confidence and self-esteem mean to you.

In order to find out, write on a piece of paper all the qualities ‘you think’ you need to be self-confident. (Remember to be specific).

Next look at your list.   All the qualities you already possess, highlight, check off, or put a happy face, next to it.

The qualities on your list you didn’t check off will be what you will work on.  Now prioritize them and work on them one at a time. 

My experience is when you try to change everything at once; you get overwhelmed and give up, and therefore, set yourself up for failure.  Look at your list and prioritize the qualities anyway you want.  Such as easiest to do, or strongest desire to change.

Now pick one quality on your list and start practicing. For example: Let’s say one of the qualities you would like to have is asking for what you want.  When the first opportunity for you to ask for what you want comes up, you take it.  It might be scary, but you do it.  Then another opportunity comes along, and another, and another, and another, and with each opportunity you ask for what you want.  You will find that it gets easier and easier until one day it will become natural for you to ask for what you want.  When you have mastered this quality, go onto the next.

This exercise will help you increase your confidence levels.

To Your Success!

Diana

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