The Confidence Blog

I love this time of year because there is a spirit of giving, and loving.  It’s also a time of reflection.  How was 2008 for you? 

Take a moment and review your year.  If you kept a journal, this is a good time to reread some of you entries. Did you hit any of your goals? 

As you review, I invite you to look for all the insights you have received, and all your successes, big or small. I also invite you to count your blessings, gratitude’s, and appreciations.

I appreciate all the people who have contacted me with their confidence question.  I am grateful for the opportunity to be of service.

Thank You, and whichever holiday you celebrate, may it be filled with happiness, joy and peace.

Bless you all,

Diana 

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This weekend I was watching a movie and a little girl was saying how she would feel pretty if she had a new dress.  The adult in the movie was telling her it’s how you feel in the inside that counts.  She said that was self-confidence.  For me, I thought it would be self-esteem. So I got to thinking, what is the difference between self confidence and self-esteem?

According to the dictionary:

Self -Confidence: belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-reliance; assurance

Self –Esteem: reflects a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of her or his own worth. Self respect.

My definition:

Self Confidence is about your ability.  Do you think you can do a good job? Do you think you can accomplish something you put your mind to?

Self Esteem is about the self.  How do you feel about you?  Do you like you?  Do you love you?  Do you have self worth?

Low Self Confidence is about fear of performing and low self-esteem is about not loving you.

Example:  Let’s say you have to give a presentation to a large group of people, and you are extremely nervous, because you are afraid of making a mistake. This would mean you lack confidence, because you question your ability.  On the other hand, you are afraid, because you are afraid of how people will judge you.  This would mean you lack self-esteem, because you are questioning your own self worth.

I have found that self-confidence and self-esteem go hand in hand. As you start to love and trust yourself your self esteem improves, and as your self esteem improves, you start to take risks, because you feel good about you.  When you take risks, your self confidence improves, because now you are doing things you’ve wouldn’t have done before.

The same thing happens when you start increasing yours self confidence.  As your self confidence builds, your self esteem improves, because you start counting your success, which make you feel good about you.

I no longer worry about self confidence or self esteem.  I just focus on being the best me, and showing up as my authentic self.  When I do I have both self confidence and self esteem.

How about you?  Are you ready to live as your authentic self?  The first step is commitment.

Are you ready to commit?

To Your Success,

Diana

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Imagine an actor at rehearsal.  In the scene, he is standing in the middle of the stage practicing his monologue.  A fellow actor comes up to him and gives him advice on the best way to do his monologue if he wants to do a good job.  After the person walks away another fellow actor approached him, and tells the actor that their way is the best.  Mind you, each suggestion given to the actor is completely different from the other.  Though, the suggestions are not bad, it’s not the way the actor would do the scene.  In fact, the actor is very good. He believes in the play and understands the character’s motivation.  He just lacks confidence and self-esteem.  Because of this lack, he starts questioning himself when given the acting critiques.  Therefore, he puts aside his beliefs, style and interpretation and tries to incorporate both suggestions into his performance.

Opening night comes and it’s time for the actor’s monologue.  While he is performing, he is trying to incorporate the advice given him.   Everything they said is swirling around in his head, making him second-guess himself.  He allows his doubt to block his true talent, and it manifest in his performance.  He doesn’t reach the audience. He flops.  He now sees himself as a failure.  When he has to act again, he questions his ability, and he starts becoming afraid to act until he stops completely.

Now image the same scenario.  When the two people give him their advice on how to act, he still listens, only this time he accepts the suggestions he thinks will enhance his performance. He has the confidence in his ability and talent.  When he is on the stage for his monologue, his passion for acting, the play and the character he is playing comes out and touches the audience.  They feel it and respond with thunderous applause.

Which scenario matches the events in your life?

In the first scenario, the actor allows others to undermine his belief in his ability.  He accepted their truth over his truth. He also accepted what happen as a failure, instead of seeing it as a learning experience.  He could have let this teach him to trust his talent, passion and innate abilities. And see the “failure” as a way to improve and grow.

Do you find yourself doing this?  When something goes wrong, when you “fail” do you beat yourself up, or you blame someone else?  Or do you view it as a learning experience, and ask “How can I do this different next time, so I can succeed?”

The reason we make mistakes is so we can learn and improve.

In the second scenario the actor listen to the others, but when he went on stage he did what felt right for him.  He heard the words that were true for him.  He saw himself as the character and his joy for acting radiated from him.  That joyful energy reached the audience.  If he “failed” he would have looked at the error as an opportunity to grow, and improve. Instead of being afraid to act again, he would be looking forward to act so he can put into practice his new learning. 

When something doesn’t work out like you have planned, do you start to beat yourself up?  Do you hear yourself say

I’ve failed
I am no good
I can’t do anything right.

Then

STOP

And instead ask,” What did work, and what can I improve?”

Give yourself credit for what went right – focus on the success.  If you can’t do that, then start with giving yourself kudos for trying.  But count your success and change what you don’t like.

Remember – the only person who can give you confidence is YOU.

To your success,

Diana

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