The Confidence Blog

My father passed away last month.  This will be my first Father’s Day without him in the physical world.  I know that my spirit is with him in the spiritual world.

I was fortunate, in the fact that I was able to make peace with my Dad.  My Dad and I had a very challenging relationship when I was growing up.  Being the eldest child, and a daughter in an Italian/Spanish family, I was their test subject.  They did all their practicing as parents on me and my sister.  All I wanted was freedom, and all my parents wanted was that I do what they thought was best for me.  Often, our personal desires clashed

 
The one thing that meant the most to me is that my Dad allowed me, to be me.  He allowed me to explore ideas and new concepts.  He really could be a good sport.  I remember when I was in school and discovered handwriting analysis. He allowed me to analyze him.  Of course, I look for all the ‘bad’ and not good about him.

Another time, when I was studying psychology, again, my dad was my subject and I only saw the “negative parts of his personality”.

My view of my dad started to change when I studied Astrology.  Then I saw planetary proof why he was so angry!  LOL

Yet, when my car was stolen, after I loaned it to someone, he never ridiculed me, he just helped me do what I needed to do to get it back.  He said we always make mistakes, and he was proud of me that I was trusting and generous.  I had good intentions; I was trying to help a person in need.

It wasn’t until I started to grow up at the age of 50, and started my healing process that I forgave my father.  I started looking at him as a man, not just my Dad.  I saw how much he loved my mother, and us.  He showed it by the way he worked 12 hours a day for so many years. He was always there when we needed help.

I remember when I sat both my parents down and told them what I didn’t like what they did to me when I was growing up. Then I told them what I loved about them.  What gifts they gave me.  My dad was the one who thank me.  And from that day forward, we were a loving father and daughter duo.

As I said before, I was fortunate to make peace with my Dad while he was alive.  I saw my dad as a person, with his own baggage, hopes and dreams.  I chose to see the best of my Dad.

My Dad was a wonderful artist, he was a great storyteller, and he was the most hospitable person I ever met.  I could bring home anyone, and my father always made them feel welcome and part of the family.

My Dad and I had great conversations about what I was learning on my journey toward personal growth.  We talked about the Law of Attraction, hypnosis, and all the new discoveries being made.

What I loved about my Dad, he listened without judgment.  That is a gift I hope he passed on to me.

Whether your Dad is alive, missing or in the spiritual world, and you don’t have the relationship you want, or didn’t have the relationship you needed. I encourage you to let go of the hurt and anger.  You can start the process by appreciating them and by forgiving them.  The forgiveness will be for you, because when you release the anger and the hurt, that’s when there will be room for the love.

Remember, Dad’s are people too; they are like the rest of us.  Doing the best we can, looking to connect, love and be loved.

To all Dad’s, I want to say Happy Father’s Day!

I love you all!

Diana

Last week I had a meeting with strangers and I showed up as myself.  Showing up as me means, I was confident and gave my opinions, theories and insight calmly, and confidently.  I surprised myself, because in the past, when I was with strangers and would start to talk, my heart would start to beat fast, my hands would start to sweat, and I would forget what I wanted to say, or fumble on my words.  I’ve improved over the years, and my symptoms have lessens, however, the fast beating of my heart, the dry mouth and the scared feeling never really left until this meeting.  This time, I experienced calm and confidence. I showed up to that meeting happy and confident, because I was confident.  I received a pleasant insight about me.  I saw, heard and felt my intelligence.  All my years of experience came together.  I felt like an actor or athlete when all your training comes together with ease and grace. I felt alive!

What I realized, I had let go of my fears.  My fear of being wrong, my wanting approval, and validation. My fear of not being able to offer something of value.  I let go of the fear of being judged.  Of “losing my job” because I couldn’t perform.  I let go of my fear of being less then.  I let go of my fear of being wrong.  What I did was show up as me, with my personality, my experience and my perception of the situation.  I didn’t get hurt if they said my idea wasn’t what they were looking for.  I didn’t get crushed if I didn’t hear “job well done Diane”.  I didn’t get discouraged if they didn’t ask for more feedback.  I wasn’t afraid to disagree with their observations.  I truly came into the meeting as me, confident, and I walked away feeling better about myself.

I am hear to tell you, YOU too can have the same experience.  I see it as the Wizard of Oz.  The journey to self-confidence and self-esteem is like the yellow brick road.  The house falling on the wicked witch symbolized eliminating your past influences, and starting on your new journey.  The yellow brick road is that journey, promise of you dreams fulfillment.  Along the way, you pick up the scarecrow and you become aware of the thoughts going through you head.  Then you pick up the Tin Man, and you start forgiving and loving yourself.  Then you pick up the Lion, and your courage, and determination increase.  All the while on your journey, the Wicked Witch of the East, or your destructive, fearful, self is trying to stop you from succeeding.  With these three companions – insight, love and courage you make it to the Emerald City.  The Emerald city leads you home to your true self.

Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road.  Your off to become your confident self, in the Wonderful World of YOU.

To Your Success!

Diana

As I was driving to work I realized that I had allowed my friend to put a fear into me that I normally didn’t have.  Her fear eroded my self confidence in driving on a particular road.

Let me explain.

Every day I drive the same road, it is called a bypass, and it ends at a curve.  A couple of weeks ago I was driving with my friend. We were laughing having a good time, until we approach this curve.  All of a sudden she screamed and said WATCH OUT.  Immediately my heart started to race, and my instincts kicked in.  I grabbed the wheel tighter, checked my mirrors and looked around for impending danger. All while in the middle of taking the curve.

When I ask her why she screamed, she said she thought there was ice on the road, and thought we were going to slide.  Mind you, it was a clear day, and the road was dry.  I assured her the road was fine.  I had experience and confidence with this part of the road, because in the last 8 months I have driven the road 5 days a week in all sorts of weather.

I thought the incident was over, but today I realized it wasn’t.  What happen… the very next time I reached the same spot; I heard her scream and felt myself lose my confidence. I was afraid I was going to go into a skid.  Then as the memory started to pass away, day by day, I wasn’t aware I was losing my confidence on that stretch of road.  Even though I wasn’t conscious of it, my body and behavior told another story.  I would slow down, I was unsure, my body would tense slightly, and I would hold my breath.  Then I started to rationalize.  Well her screaming WATCH OUT was a warning for me not to drive to fast, or I needed to learn how to slow down, or, maybe, I needed to take a safer route.

Last week, as I was driving, I started to think about the curve and I was 5 miles away!  Then it hit me, her actions had undermined my confidence.  I allowed her action to undermine my confidence.  I didn’t do it consciously, but unconsciously.

 As I was driving I could see it clearly.  What happened to me is what I call a typical impact moment.  A moment that impacts you forever, fear goes pass your conscious mind directly into your unconscious mind.  This is how a limited belief, fear or a phobia is created.  I was in an emotional happy place, and BAM – fear was directed at me.  That fear went directly into my subconscious mind.  Visually I can see it in my minds eye, you know those yellow signs, caution when wet?  Well, that is what I see, so anytime I was near the curve or any other curve like it, CAUTION and DOUBT came up. My subconscious mind was at work keeping me safe.

What happens is when fear by-passes the conscious mind, and goes directly into the subconscious mind, the subconscious minds holds on to it, so when a similar danger occurs, we take natural precaution. Meaning we react instead of act.

I am very appreciative of having this insight and awareness, because now I can reprogram my subconscious mind.

Here is the process I used to eliminate my fear.

Awareness
Decide
Action

Awareness: I became aware because I listen to my body and thoughts.

Decide:  Once I was aware of my problem, I made the decision to change it.  I no longer wanted the fear to rule my life.

Action:  I took action by picking the tool that would serve me the best.  I could use EFT to tap it away. I could use the Sedona Method and release it away. Or I could use Hypnosis and eliminate the fear and replace it with confidence.

That is what I did. 

I no longer think or worry about reaching the curve.  Sometimes when I remember, I just give a little laugh and think how foolish I was.

Find the tool, or combination of tools that will help you release your limiting beliefs, fears or phobias.  

Your subconscious will thank you.

To Your Success!

Diana

Here is a confidence question I recently received.

Where do I even begin when I’ve lived a life of 36 years with virtually zero self-confidence? I know I need to learn to be my own best friend and give myself what I can’t get from others, but how do I do that?

Where do you begin? You have already begun, because the first step is knowing you want to make a change.  You are already aware that putting yourself first is best and that your happiness comes from within you, and not from others.  Congratulation on this awareness. 

Have you ever ask yourself “What does self-confidence mean to me?”

If someone were to ask you “Do you know how self confidence and self esteem look, feel and sound to you?” What would you answer? 

I’ve discovered people say they want more confidence and more self-esteem. When asked to describe it, they can’t, because they do not have a clear picture of what it feels, looks and sounds like.

Also, if you ask a group of people, you will probably find that everyone has a different idea what self-confidence means to them.  The reason is because we all see our world through our own life experiences.  These experiences, coupled with personal need create unique filters in which we view people, events and the world.

A few years back, I remember my sister and me reminiscing about our childhood. We started to talk about this particular incident that happened.  As we discussed the incident, I noticed not only did she have a completely different experience than I did, she also remember the incident differently from me.  I was astonished!  She believed what she experienced was true, and so did I.  It was the beginning for me to understand how we could both be right.  I was realizing even though we grew up in the same house, and had pretty much the same experiences, we were different people, with our own set of values, personalities and beliefs. 

This is why I think it is important to be clear on what self-confidence and self-esteem mean to you.

In order to find out, write on a piece of paper all the qualities ‘you think’ you need to be self-confident. (Remember to be specific).

Next look at your list.   All the qualities you already possess, highlight, check off, or put a happy face, next to it.

The qualities on your list you didn’t check off will be what you will work on.  Now prioritize them and work on them one at a time. 

My experience is when you try to change everything at once; you get overwhelmed and give up, and therefore, set yourself up for failure.  Look at your list and prioritize the qualities anyway you want.  Such as easiest to do, or strongest desire to change.

Now pick one quality on your list and start practicing. For example: Let’s say one of the qualities you would like to have is asking for what you want.  When the first opportunity for you to ask for what you want comes up, you take it.  It might be scary, but you do it.  Then another opportunity comes along, and another, and another, and another, and with each opportunity you ask for what you want.  You will find that it gets easier and easier until one day it will become natural for you to ask for what you want.  When you have mastered this quality, go onto the next.

This exercise will help you increase your confidence levels.

To Your Success!

Diana

Would you believe failing can be a good thing?

Failing can allow us to learn from our mistakes.
Failing can allow us to determine what we really want.

In my opinion, it is considered failing when whatever happens keeps you stuck.  You start beating yourself up, and don’t take the risk to try again.  If you tend to do that, then yes I can see why you would think you have failed.

The successful confident person is the one who ask questions and tries again and again until they succeed. 

The other day I was speaking with a friend and I was telling her what I had just discovered one of my limited beliefs.  I was reading Napoleon Hill and he was speaking about Andrew Carnegie on how he went from nothing to having more than 100 million dollars.  And the thought and feeling came over me that he is the exception, not the norm.  Now with all my training and my own life experience I know that statement was based in fear, not logic, because I know we can have and do anything we want to, because we create our own reality.  So I did some EFT on the new information that came up, and released the feeling and thought that only Andrew Carnegie could do this, because he was a rare breed ,and I wasn’t in his league.  It made me realized how fear could make me feel like a failure. 

I remember when I was working on my self-confidence issues I use to think I was a failure, and how I was afraid of failing.  For me it was because they would be right.   “They” were my elders and my family.  My family culture was to find a job, and stay in it until you died, and it didn’t matter if you hated it.  Security was the top thing.  You had to be secure.  YOU DON’T TAKE ANY RISK! Then I came along, someone who always wanted to do things differently.  Against my family wishes, I would try something different, and sometimes it wouldn’t work out, and I would have to deal with, I told you so. 

What happened?  I started to be conditioned to not take a risk until I was sure I was going to succeed.  And I ended up doing exactly what I didn’t want to do.  Getting into jobs I hated.  Afraid to leave the security, the steady, and I might add, low paying salary. 

Starting my self-confidence journey has been the biggest risk I have ever taken.  I had to learn how to change old patterns and old ways of thinking.  Yes, I have make mistakes, and at times have fallen back into old patterns, but I’ve learned to learn from those mistakes, and now see the opportunities they present.   I no longer see them as failures.

When you ask yourself what if I fail? Instead ask, where is the opportunity? What can I do next to succeed?  What have I learned? What can I do differently? Once you have answered your questions, reevaluated, and ask do I still want this? Asking this question will help you clarify on what you really do want.

As you can see, failing can be a good thing.  Me personally, I don’t like the word failing, I prefer to say, “Well, that didn’t work, what can I do to make it work?”

Remember, the only person who can make you feel, think and sound like a failure is you.  The next time you ask yourself the question “What if I fail?”  Immediately ask, “How can I succeed?”
 
To Your Success!

Diana

I would like to take this moment and express my deepest condolence to John Travolta and Kelly Preston on the passing of their son, Jett.  They are in my thoughts and prayers.

My sincere wish for them is that they quickly pass through the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance).  Also, for the media to respect their grief, and let them mourn their son in private.

Warm Regards,

Diana

Happy New Year

Are you ready to make life changes in 2009?
Will you be starting 2009 with clarity, gratitude, and by taking action OR with pessimism, lack of direction and excuses?

To succeed in 2009, it’s important to have an attitude of gratitude, create SMART goals, take inspired actions, and be with supportive people.

By creating SMART goals you can be successful.

What are SMART goals? 

SMART goals are:

Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Realistic
Timed

You probably have already created a few New Years resolutions, but have you reviewed all your successes for 2008?

To help you become more successful in 2009, I am offering a FREE Success Test to help you see what your current levels of success are in each area of your life. Use this test as a foundation to start creating your SMART goals to increase your levels of success in everything that you do. 

To Your Success in 2009!

Diana

I love this time of year because there is a spirit of giving, and loving.  It’s also a time of reflection.  How was 2008 for you? 

Take a moment and review your year.  If you kept a journal, this is a good time to reread some of you entries. Did you hit any of your goals? 

As you review, I invite you to look for all the insights you have received, and all your successes, big or small. I also invite you to count your blessings, gratitude’s, and appreciations.

I appreciate all the people who have contacted me with their confidence question.  I am grateful for the opportunity to be of service.

Thank You, and whichever holiday you celebrate, may it be filled with happiness, joy and peace.

Bless you all,

Diana 

This weekend I was watching a movie and a little girl was saying how she would feel pretty if she had a new dress.  The adult in the movie was telling her it’s how you feel in the inside that counts.  She said that was self-confidence.  For me, I thought it would be self-esteem. So I got to thinking, what is the difference between self confidence and self-esteem?

According to the dictionary:

Self -Confidence: belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-reliance; assurance

Self –Esteem: reflects a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of her or his own worth. Self respect.

My definition:

Self Confidence is about your ability.  Do you think you can do a good job? Do you think you can accomplish something you put your mind to?

Self Esteem is about the self.  How do you feel about you?  Do you like you?  Do you love you?  Do you have self worth?

Low Self Confidence is about fear of performing and low self-esteem is about not loving you.

Example:  Let’s say you have to give a presentation to a large group of people, and you are extremely nervous, because you are afraid of making a mistake. This would mean you lack confidence, because you question your ability.  On the other hand, you are afraid, because you are afraid of how people will judge you.  This would mean you lack self-esteem, because you are questioning your own self worth.

I have found that self-confidence and self-esteem go hand in hand. As you start to love and trust yourself your self esteem improves, and as your self esteem improves, you start to take risks, because you feel good about you.  When you take risks, your self confidence improves, because now you are doing things you’ve wouldn’t have done before.

The same thing happens when you start increasing yours self confidence.  As your self confidence builds, your self esteem improves, because you start counting your success, which make you feel good about you.

I no longer worry about self confidence or self esteem.  I just focus on being the best me, and showing up as my authentic self.  When I do I have both self confidence and self esteem.

How about you?  Are you ready to live as your authentic self?  The first step is commitment.

Are you ready to commit?

To Your Success,

Diana

Imagine an actor at rehearsal.  In the scene, he is standing in the middle of the stage practicing his monologue.  A fellow actor comes up to him and gives him advice on the best way to do his monologue if he wants to do a good job.  After the person walks away another fellow actor approached him, and tells the actor that their way is the best.  Mind you, each suggestion given to the actor is completely different from the other.  Though, the suggestions are not bad, it’s not the way the actor would do the scene.  In fact, the actor is very good. He believes in the play and understands the character’s motivation.  He just lacks confidence and self-esteem.  Because of this lack, he starts questioning himself when given the acting critiques.  Therefore, he puts aside his beliefs, style and interpretation and tries to incorporate both suggestions into his performance.

Opening night comes and it’s time for the actor’s monologue.  While he is performing, he is trying to incorporate the advice given him.   Everything they said is swirling around in his head, making him second-guess himself.  He allows his doubt to block his true talent, and it manifest in his performance.  He doesn’t reach the audience. He flops.  He now sees himself as a failure.  When he has to act again, he questions his ability, and he starts becoming afraid to act until he stops completely.

Now image the same scenario.  When the two people give him their advice on how to act, he still listens, only this time he accepts the suggestions he thinks will enhance his performance. He has the confidence in his ability and talent.  When he is on the stage for his monologue, his passion for acting, the play and the character he is playing comes out and touches the audience.  They feel it and respond with thunderous applause.

Which scenario matches the events in your life?

In the first scenario, the actor allows others to undermine his belief in his ability.  He accepted their truth over his truth. He also accepted what happen as a failure, instead of seeing it as a learning experience.  He could have let this teach him to trust his talent, passion and innate abilities. And see the “failure” as a way to improve and grow.

Do you find yourself doing this?  When something goes wrong, when you “fail” do you beat yourself up, or you blame someone else?  Or do you view it as a learning experience, and ask “How can I do this different next time, so I can succeed?”

The reason we make mistakes is so we can learn and improve.

In the second scenario the actor listen to the others, but when he went on stage he did what felt right for him.  He heard the words that were true for him.  He saw himself as the character and his joy for acting radiated from him.  That joyful energy reached the audience.  If he “failed” he would have looked at the error as an opportunity to grow, and improve. Instead of being afraid to act again, he would be looking forward to act so he can put into practice his new learning. 

When something doesn’t work out like you have planned, do you start to beat yourself up?  Do you hear yourself say

I’ve failed
I am no good
I can’t do anything right.

Then

STOP

And instead ask,” What did work, and what can I improve?”

Give yourself credit for what went right – focus on the success.  If you can’t do that, then start with giving yourself kudos for trying.  But count your success and change what you don’t like.

Remember – the only person who can give you confidence is YOU.

To your success,

Diana