The Confidence Blog

A while back I had written how habits, some we are aware of, and some we aren’t, erode our self-confidence and self-esteem.

Predicting was #1 on the list.

What do I mean by predicting?  I am talking about when you are expecting a certain outcome. You already “think” you “know” what will happen in any situation. 

Have you heard yourself say any of the following?
 “I already know what will happen”
“Why should I try, it’s not going to work anyway”
“If I ask for a raise, my boss won’t give it to me”
“Why ask him/her out, they are going to turn me down anyway”
“If I say no, I know they won’t like me anymore”
“Things always go wrong for me.”
“I won’t win, I am unlucky”

And my favorite, (because in the past I used it all the time) is of course…..

Yesterday as I was talking to several people about their weekend, I often heard them use the phrase of course several times throughout their conversation.

Having been trained in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) I listen to people’s words.  This allows me a glimpse into someone’s self-confidence, and self-esteem.  When I hear someone say of course, and always, I’ve discovered they are predicting.  Of course they already know what will happen.  This prevents them from having any other reality or any changes because they are expecting it to happen this way.  Also, they are not being accountable, because it allows it to be someone else’s fault.

Here are some examples. . .

“Of course it would have to rain”
“Of course the economy is going to fail”
“Of course the tires needed air, and that cost me money”
“Of course she was going to say that”
“Of course ______ (you fill in the blank).

“He always says that”
“She always does that”
“This always happens”

For me,  of course and always were the sayings I found the hardest to change. But when I did, it allowed me to have a different experience from the one I would have normally expected.  I no longer expected what was going to happen, instead I experienced, what was happening.

When we look for and expect the of course, and always, then of course it will always happen!

According to the Law Of Attraction, you receive what you put your attention to.  If you are expecting something to happen, then it will. 

Want to change this?

First – listen to your words.  Words are so powerful.  Hear how many times you say of course, and always.  See what pictures; sounds or sensations come up when you say these words.

Second – when you hear yourself say, “of course this will happen”, change that sentence to “I wonder what will happen, this is what I want to happen.” 

By doing this you will change your energy and tell the universe what you desire. 

You’ll see as you let go of the predicting and expectations, and start receiving what you desire, you will start feeling better about yourself, which will increase your self-esteem.  When you feel better about yourself, you will begin to start taking risks, which will increase your self-confidence.

I encourage you to take the first step TODAY!

To Your Success,

Diana Vento CH

I would like to share an experience I had the other day.  A coworker and I were taking a walk. When we returned to the building, someone ask us how our walk was.  We answered at the same time.  I said wonderful, and she said terrible and started to explain why.  I don’t know what she said because I was so shocked by the word terrible.

During the day, I would think about it and become baffle.  Actually, I felt like I had cotton in my head, because I just couldn’t fathom why she said our walk was terrible.  For me it was great, the weather was beautiful, the sky a clear blue with white fluffy clouds.  The sun was warm, with a slight cool breeze, which kept me from getting overheated.  It felt great to be out of the office and in the sunshine and fresh air.  So for me, to hear that our walk was terrible I just didn’t understand it.

Later that night, as I was writing in my journal recalling the day’s events, all of a sudden I realized something important.  The old me, would have taken her comment personally.  I would have thought because she had a terrible time, it was about me; I was lousy company, or poor conversationalist. I would have owned it as my problem.  Now my self-esteem and self-confidence knows that it is not my issue, but hers.

So who was right, my walking companion or I?  Was the walk Terrible or Wonderful?

We are both right.

Now I understand how two people can experience the same event and have completely different experiences and both are correct! 

How?

We all live in our own reality.  Our reality consists of our own life experience, personality and thought patterns.

If you expect to see the worse of something or someone you are going to find it.   The same goes for looking for the best.  If you look for the best in something, or someone you will find it.

During our walk, my companion found fault in everything, and complained about her life situation, and the people she encounters.  She walked with an unhappy attitude.  Therefore, she saw the walk as terrible.

In my reality, I was grateful for the nice weather, I was grateful for the opportunity to be outside.  For me, because I did my walk with appreciation, I enjoyed it. Therefore, it felt Wonderful.

So how about you?

Leave a comment and let us know,” How are you currently walking through life?   And does it match with, “How do you want to walk through life?”  

Confidence and Self-Esteem is all about awareness.  Being aware of the conversations in your head, how you react in a situation, your habits and beliefs.  Here is a list of some habits and beliefs that could erode your Confidence and Self-Esteem.  How many do   you practice?

Do you awfulize?
Do you predict?
Do you look for outside validation?
Do you blame?
Do you give up?
Do you procrastinate?
Do you lack discipline?
Do you complain?
Do you say YES when you want to say NO?
Do you ask for what you want?
Do you fear not being heard, or understood?
Do you make excuses?
Do you say No when help is offered?
Do you not accept a compliment?
Do you feel like a failure?
Do you feel unlovable?
Do you feel you don’t deserve success?
Do you feel like a victim?

I heard someone once say, “we are a product of what people expect us to be” I know that was true for me.  I was taught to accept my parents, teachers, or any authority figure as the authority on what was best for me.  I was expected to feel, act and think the way they did.

These questions represent the types of habits and beliefs I had. When I began my journey, I was conscious of some habits and beliefs I had and wanted to change.  What surprised me were the habits and beliefs I wasn’t aware I had.  Like an onion, as I peeled one layer I would discover another layer of limiting beliefs and habits that was interfering with my happiness.

The most challenging habit I wanted to change was blaming others. Being a strong-willed person, I thought I had to fight for everything.  I blamed my parents, and others for not understanding me.  I felt unheard, and misunderstood.

My biggest shock came when I realized I believed I was a victim.  One day I was writing in my journal and had lost my train of thought so I went back to reread what I had just written.  That was when I got that Ah-ha moment.  As I was reading I could see the victim personality.   I was blown away!  I immediately started to leaf back and read previous entries and with my new awareness I saw it.  There, in my own handwriting “Poor Me”.

That was my biggest turning point.  No longer wanting to be a victim.  I started to take 100% responsibility for what happens in my life.  Looking back, I thought I had accidentally discovered the movie the “Secret” which was pivotal for me.  Now I know I had attracted the movie because of my sincere desire to overcome my victim mentality.  I’ve been attracting what I need ever since.

The best gift I received as I eliminated one behavior at a time:  increased self-confidence and self-esteem. As I discarded layers of old habits, and limiting beliefs and practice new healthy habits and empowering beliefs my confidence and self-esteem grew. 

I would love to share what I’ve learned with you.  I am starting a Tele-Class series where you’ll have the opportunity to peel your layers of old habits and limited beliefs.  We’ll also discuss the Law of Attraction, and how we can experience unlimited joy and happiness.

Would you be willing to let go of all your unhealthy habits and limited beliefs?
Would you be willing to experience joy and happiness all the time?
Would you be willing to find your passion?
Would you like to accept you for whom you are right now?
Would you be willing to let go of the old you and reconnect with your true self?

Ready to begin your journey to personal growth?  

Go to Make Life Changes and sign up NOW for this upcoming FREE Tele-Class.

See you there!

Diana

In the past, I was unhappy, so I decided to improve my life.  I intuitively knew I had low confidence and self-esteem, and wanted to improve these.  I just didn’t know how.  I went online to Amazon.com and typed in confidence and self-esteem and thousands of books came up.  I didn’t know which books would work for me. I was confused and overwhelmed, and did what I always did when I got into this state.  I rationalized, complained, procrastinated, and talked myself out of my desire to change. Until…

I found the show, Starting Over.  It was about a group of women living in a house, learning how to make life changes, by two Life Coaches.  One of the women named Andy, was upset with an assignment her life coach, Rhonda Britten, had given her.  I don’t remember what she said, or the details; I just understood how Andy felt.  I identified with her.  I felt her pain, because it was my pain. I heard her frustration, because it was my frustration. I saw her anger, because it was my anger.  I felt her hopelessness. In my mind’s eye I envisioned the wall she had built around herself, because I had the same type of wall surrounding me.  I identified with her.  I saw the unhappy me portrayed in this daytime TV show. 

I was hooked. I wanted to learn how to change my life.  When Rhonda spoke to Andy, I felt she was talking to me.  There were other women in the house that I identified with, but not as strong as with Andy. 

Then Rhonda told her story.  She had seen her father shoot her mother and then shoot himself in front of her. Leaving her as a witness to her parent’s murder/suicide at 14!  Boy did my problems feel insignificant!

But they were my problems, therefore, real and significant. My problems were preventing me from having the life I wanted: A joyful and happy life. 

I decided to buy Rhonda’s book Change Your Life In 30 Days, and it did.  It allowed me to get in touch with the “real” me.    I then bought Fearless Living, Rhonda’s first book.  That book was powerful for me, because I got in touch with my fear.  Fear that ran my life, and prevented me from living a joyful life.  The insights, the lessons, and personal growth I received from reading those two books propelled me on my journey toward personal growth.  One of the biggest revelations I had, I discovered I had surrounded myself with people like me. Who were unhappy with life, and just existing day to day. 

Rhonda Britten was my first step to building my confidence, self-esteem, and living my life.  I have read books by several authors, attended workshops, learned exciting techniques, and have been coach.  Like a baby learning to walk, at first I was wobbly, taking tiny steps, but each day I practice the tools I had learned until one day I discover I could run!

I will share a valuable lesson I learned. You can learn all you want, but unless you integrate, by putting it into practice, it’s just another learning that will be put back on the shelf.

Another person who has been very influential in my personal growth is Jack Canfield.  When I first heard Jack talk about his childhood, I understood his childhood, because it was very similar to mine.

Here is another lesson I will share with you. when you get these recognitions, ACT.  I’ve discovered that it’s the Universe, God, or whatever higher power you believe in, telling you to pay attention, it’s time to change.  To go for what you have been asking for.

I had been asking for a happier life.  I was tired of feeling unhappy, stressed, lonely and just plain miserable.  I complained and whined about it, but didn’t make much effort to do anything about it.  Oh, I had excuses.  I had no time. I didn’t know what to do.  No one cared about me.   I could go on and on.  Now looking back, I see the universe was presenting me opportunities and not problems.   I was just to steep in my misery to see.  Until, one day I paid attention.  And decided to START OVER.  I am so grateful for that show, and how it helped me, help myself.

I had decided to work on my self-confidence first, then my self-esteem.  To my surprise, as my confidence grew, so did my self-esteem! 

Now thanks to Rhonda Britten, Jack Canfield, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Choppa, Kevin Hogan and others.  I have a bag filled with wonderful tools that I can use when I find myself, falling back into bad habits.  I would like to share these tools with you.

That is why I’ve created the Confidence Study Group.

This won’t be like a typical study group, where everyone gets together to discuss a book.  This club will provide proven tips, tools and tactics to build confidence and self-esteem.

Are You Willing To Follow A Study Group To Build Confidence?

If you want to learn more, go to www.theconfidencestudygroup.com

Together we will grow, and support each other through our confidence-building journey.

Here is a question I received asking me how they would know if their self-confidence was improving.

Do you have a clear vision on what it feels, sound and looks like to be self-confident?  What is your definition for self-confidence?

Here is a little exercise. Take of a piece of paper and make 2 columns.  Label one column: Confidence Qualities.  In this column you will list all the qualities you think a self-confident person would possess. Label the other column: My Confidence Qualities. In this column you will rate all your self-confidence qualities. 

Now close your eyes and slowly take a deep breath, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.  Do this 3 times. As you take in a breath, imagine a stream of white light coming from above and entering through the top of you head, washing through your body.  As the stream of light enters you, and you connect to the light, open your heart, and ask for divine guidance. When you are ready open your eyes, and without thinking write, in the column labeled: Confidence Qualities, all the qualities that make a person confident.  What a confident person looks, sounds and feels like.  How would they walk? What would they say? How do they feel?  What makes you think this person has confidence? There is no right or wrong.  Write everything in the column.

Now repeat the breathing exercise.   When you open you eyes, go down each item you wrote for the confident person, and rate each quality using a scale from 1 to 10 (1 meaning you don’t possess the quality, to 10 meaning you have mastered the quality). Place your number in the column labeled: My Confidence Qualities.  Also write any additional qualities that you possess, but didn’t list in the first column.

Now look at your ratings, and any rating with an eight or higher cross off the list.  Ratings with 7 or lower will indicate where you want to make improvements.  By doing this exercise you will now have a clear picture of what you already possess, and what to improve on. You’ll find God, the universe or whatever higher power you believe in, if you don’t believe, then your higher self, will start providing it.  You’ll become tuned in.  And the tools will start presenting themselves to you.

I would be interested on what you discover after completing the exercise.  Feel free to submit a comment and let me know how you did.

To Your Success
Diana Vento
Make Life Changes

A great way to boost your confidence and self-esteem is to keep a journal.

A journal is a wonderful tool to remind you how good you really are. What you have to be thankful for and pleased about in your life right now.

You can record your thoughts using a notebook, your computer, or record it.  Just so it’s in a place you can easily refer to.

The goal is to write in your journal daily. For now, start by taking 10 minutes, once a week for the next month and write what you are grateful for and acknowledge any small successes.

Remember, making excuses only hurts you, so make a commitment to start today.

Can’t think of what to write?  You can begin by answering the following questions below. Sit down and write your thoughts to:

1. What do I have to be grateful for in my life right now?
2. What am I happy or excited about in my life right now?
3. Why am I happy about these things?
4. What did I accomplish last week?
5. Who do I love and appreciate in my life?
6. Who do I like spending time with?
7. Who loves and appreciates me for who I am?

Answer these questions at the start of each week and it will set you up for success. And it will remind you of what you have that is good, in your life right now.
 

A lot of people have written asking the question, “How do I build up my confidence?” 

A couple of years ago, I had asked the same question.  I knew I wanted to be more confident, but didn’t know where to start. 

What  I want to do is answer your question by telling you my own personal journey to self-confidence.  I am hoping to inspire you by showing how I overcame my fears, uncertainties and struggles. 

I can tell my story because I keep a journal.  I write in it when I am confused, frustrated, and angry. Also, especially when I get that Ah-ha moment.  I am happy that I’ve written about my personal growth.  Not only because I can share it with you, but because I can read back and see how much I have grown. 

I will share a valuable lesson I learned.  I missed seeing my accomplishments.  Why? I was focused on what I had lost in the past, and what I wanted in the future.  The lesson I learned, and now share with you, be in the present.  Acknowledge all your achievements, no matter how big or small. 

What did I want to change about myself?  I was in a marriage that was draining the life out of me, a job that was expecting me to work 24/7 and with the continual downsizing was beyond stressful.  The bulk of my family moved 1000 miles away.  I was afraid to make a decision about anything in my personal life.  In my business life, I had learned to be somewhat confident.  In my personal life I was a mess.  My childhood traumas were starting to resurface; I guess it was time to deal with them too. 

I was afraid, unhappy, lonely and just existing in life.  I had lost sight of the young women who spoke her mind, who wanted to accomplish so much.  I was born with an independent, free spirited soul.  However, continually reacting to life instead of living life, gave me a life full of details.  I found myself dealing with problem after problem.  I had lost sight of my dreams, and most importantly lost sight of who I was. 

My children were grown and out of the house. Here I was, this person I no longer recognized, and doing the things I swore I would never do.  I realized something had to change… me. 

My first step was making the decision to take care of me.  I didn’t have the foggiest idea how I was going to accomplish this. I just knew that it was what I wanted.

This is my story.  We all have our own stories.  I’ve discovered the important thing is to recognize it and make the decision to move on from there.  We can’t change what happen, and we don’t know for sure what the future will bring.  We can only be certain on what is happening now at this moment.

Through my journey I’ve discovered many things.  Here is another lesson I will share with you.  When you give your power away, you also give away your confidence and self-esteem.

Our circumstances might be different, but if any of this resonates with you, and you are ready to reclaim your personal power and reconnect with yourself. Than I encourage you to come back and see what tips you want to incorporate in your life.

“The hardest part of the journey, is the first step” – Anonymous

Confidently yours,
Diana Vento
 

 Here is a New Year Cheer,   Let 2008 become your most confident year!

I want to wish everyone a confident and successful New Year.  Thank you for being part of the “Confidence Community”.  I am excited to see what 2008 will bring to all of us.

To your success,
Diana Vento

How can you help someone build his or her self-confidence?  Building ones Self Confidence and Self-Esteem is a very personal journey.  Yes, we would like to see our love ones, friends, or co-workers have self-confidence. However, they have to want it.  You can’t do it for them.

Resist from telling someone how they should act, or what they should do.  Even if you think it’s just friendly advice, and it’s because you care.  It could make then feel worse.  People with low self-confidence and low self-esteem, are already beating themselves up.  Do you remember what it was like when your self-confidence and self-esteem were low? 

Remember, take 100% responsibility for yourself, and allow the other person to take their own 100% responsibility. 

So, what can you do?

You can be an example.  Show them how someone walks, talks and acts with confidence. When they see how confident you are, they might ask you how you did it.  This will be your opportunity to tell them how you’ve mastered self-confidence.  Remember, to keep your statement in the “I” and “for me” model.  Keep it about you, not about them.

You can always invite them to participate in your self-confidence building events.  Such as, Teleseminars, Groups, Lectures and such.  People hear things when they are ready.  So by inviting them, you are at least exposing them to a different way of thinking.  And someday they just might get that Aha moment. 

Also, explore the reasons what you want to change someone’s behavior.  Does that person’s behavior annoy you?  Are they trigging something inside you? Be clear on your motivation, and then take responsibility for your own personal growth.

Have Life Your Way,

diana vento
 

The holidays can become overwhelming with all the extra activities.  It can become difficult to find time for shopping, cooking, cleaning and parties.

Being stressed and overwhelmed can put a strain on your self-confidence.

Here are some easy ways to make the season a little less stressful and more enjoyable. 

Take a Moment - Find a quiet place without any interruptions and do the following exercise.  Take a very deep breath; hold it for a count of 3, and slowly breathe out letting go all your stress. Do this 3 times. This will help clear your mind, and calm your body.

Eliminate being Overwhelmed – When we have too much to do in a short period of time we become overwhelmed.  You can eliminate being overwhelmed by creating a plan.  Write down everything you have to do.   Decide when you want it completed.  Then schedule it on your calendar.

Create an effective To-Do-List - You can do this by backward planning. Close your eyes and see your goal completed.  Imagine what you did right before you reached your goal.  Keep going backwards like that until you have reached the beginning, where you are right now.  Write down each step. When you are done, trace the steps back in the other direction.  You now have created a step-by-step to-do list. Do this for each goal you want to reach.

Create Shortcuts – Look at your list and see where you can combine your efforts, delegate, or hire someone. 
Enjoy the Holiday – We get so busy we forget to stop and enjoy the Holiday.  Commit to making time for things that are important to you, such as a visiting with friends, baking with the children, or watching your favorite Holiday movies with your family.

Happy Holidays!